Laugh a little.
THE TEST
A professor is supervising an exam. He hands out the question papers then goes to sit at his desk while he waits for the students to write their answers.
After they’d all handed in their papers he notices one of them had attached a R100 note to his answer with a note that reads, “A rand for every percent.”
A week later the professor hands out the marked papers. The student who attached the note got 44 percent and R56 in change.
LOGICAL CONCLUSION
A boy looks up at the sky and sees something, but he doesn’t know what it is. He asks his mother but she can’t tell, so she points him to his brother. But his brother has no idea, and sends him to his father. So the boy asks his father, but his father has no idea either and points him back to his mother.
At this point the boy knows what it is because it takes three points to define a plane.
WHO’S THE DADDY?
An old man holds his wife’s hand as he lies on his deathbed.
“Dear, these are my last moments,” he says. “Please be honest with me. Our fifth boy, Donald, looks different to all our other kids. He has a different dad, doesn’t he?” “Yes!” his wife cries, weeping. “I’m so sorry!” “Tell me, who is it? Who’s Donald’s father?” “Well,” his wife says, averting her eyes, “it’s you.”
OH, THE HORROR!
Tom, Dick and Harry are driving on a lonely country road when their car runs out of petrol. Tom says he has an empty container in the boot and Harry says he has cash, so they decide to set off on foot to the nearest town to buy petrol.
It’s a three-hour walk and they decide that to pass the time Tom would tell a happy story for the first hour, Dick would tell a sad story for the second hour, and for the last hour Harry would tell a horror story.
After two hours of walking and storytelling it’s Harry’s turn. “Okay guys,” he begins. “I forgot to bring the money.”
ALL IN THE GAME
A man signs up to take part in a local golfing tournament, even though he’s useless at the game. Luckily for him there’s an evil leprechaun living on the course. At the first hole the leprechaun jumps out from behind a bush and offers the guy a deal.
“I’ll let you win this tournament,” he says, “if you promise you won’t ever marry.”
The man agrees and indeed wins the tournament. Afterwards the leprechaun approaches the man. “Remember,” he says, “you can’t marry!” Adjusting his collar the priest replies, “Yeah, whatever.”
NOT MUCH TO SAY
For years little Billy has been trying to get a part in a school play, so he’s excited when he’s finally cast in a role. When he gets home he can’t wait to tell his father.
“Daddy, daddy!” he shouts, “I got a part! I got a part!”
“That’s great!” his father says. “Who do you play?”
“I play a man who’s been married for 30 years and has four children.”
“Oh, I’m sorry son,” his dad says. “Maybe next time you’ll get a speaking part.”
LYING LOW
As the pastor is coming to the end of his Sunday morning service he tells the congregation, “In preparation for next week’s sermon I want everybody to read Leviticus chapter 28.” The next week the church is full. “Now,” the pastor begins his sermon, “who read Leviticus chapter 28 like I asked you all to do?” Almost everyone raises their hand. “I see,” the pastor says. “Well, there’s no Leviticus chapter 28. So today’s sermon is about lying.”
SIGNED, SEALED . . .
Little Tommy asks his mom if he can have some tea biscuits. His mom gives him a box of Iced Zoo, tells him he can have a few and leaves the room. When she returns a few minutes later she finds all the biscuits on the floor, with Tommy looking through them. “What are you doing, Tommy?” she asks. “Well, mom,” Tommy replies, “it says on the box that you mustn’t eat the biscuits if the seal’s been broken, but I can’t find the seal!”
THE BAR . . . S
A rabbi and a priest walk into a bar. “If this is some sort of joke,” the barman says, “you’ll have to leave.” A chicken walks into the bar. “Sorry,” the barman says, “we don’t serve chickens here.”
“Okay,” the chicken says, “do you know of a place where they do?”
“Sure,” the barman says. “It’s right across the road.”