MY KIDS SHUNTED ME INTO AN OLD AGE HOME

Q I’m 65 and lost my husband a year ago. It was traumatic as we’d been married for 40 years. Soon afterwards our children – a son and a daughter – started nagging me to sell the house and move into an old age home. I was distraught over my husband’s death and wasn’t thinking straight so I agreed even though it meant giving away my two dogs, whom I loved very much.

Once I was in the old age home both my children told me they and their families were emigrating to Australia to have a better future for their children. So now I’m all alone. I hear from them once a month when we Skype, but that’s all.

I feel as if they bundled me into the old age home to make themselves feel better about leaving. But it’s not as if this is easier for me just because I’m around other people. In fact, I’m more alone than ever – I’m without my dogs and without my neighbours who were my friends for many years. Luckily I still have a car.

I feel angry and depressed. I’m still in good health but I don’t have the money to travel to Australia to see my children and neither has suggested I come to spend Christmas with them or offered to pay for an air ticket. Maggie, email A It’s unfortunate that your children approached you at such a vulnerable time. When you’re grieving you’re not in a good emotional place and not fit to make life-changing decisions. They were probably also not honest with you – the emigration process takes a while so it would have been happening by the time they wanted you to move.

However, what’s done is done. You can either stay miserable by living in the past or you can take control of your life and start doing things that will make you happy. Make friends with some of the people in the old age home and arrange outings with them; go on outings by yourself – you could volunteer at an animal shelter, for example, visit your friends in your old neighbourhood, or pursue a new interest or hobby.

Your children have at least done something positive by ensuring you’re in a place where you’ll be looked after when you’re older. Try to focus on the positives in your life, and if you really struggle to do this, consult a doctor about a lowdose antidepressant. It’s difficult to focus on the positives when you’re depressed, and medication could help with this.