Freed Stephen McGown’s road ahead
Former captives offer released hostage Stephen McGown advice on the long road to recovery
FOR six long, gruelling years Stephen McGown watched the birds flying across the Sahara Desert where he was being held captive. They were headed south to the country of his birth, to where his beloved family and friends were waiting for him.
Now, like those birds, the former hostage is free. But having at last returned home to South Africa, will he be able up to pick up where he left off before his life was stolen from him?
His father, Malcolm, and wife, Catherine, were overjoyed when they were told at the end of July that Stephen (42) was going to be released by the Al Qaeda faction in Mali that had held him captive since 2011.
When YOU visited his father just a few weeks earlier, Stephen’s dusty motorbike still stood in the garage. It was this bike he’d been riding across Africa on an adventure holiday before he was kidnapped at a restaurant in Timbuktu along with two other foreigners.
“Stephen will have to come and wash the bike when he gets back. I think it will be therapeutic for him to do it himself,” Malcolm told YOU at the time of the interview (YOU, 27 July).
Whether he’s performed this task is unknown because soon after being reunited Stephen, Catherine and Malcolm headed off to Kruger National Park for a well-deserved break.
But before their departure at a news conference the former hostage, still with uncut hair and a bushy beard, said he bore his captors no ill will.
“You only have one life, you can’t stay angry. You need to forgive and move on,” says Stephen, who converted to Islam – the religion of his abductors – during his time in captivity.
Yet despite his determination not to wallow in self-pity, Stephen will have to confront a lot of difficulties. One of the hardest is having to deal with the fact his mother, Beverley (69), isn’t here to welcome him home – she died of emphysema in May.
YOU spoke to other South Africans who, like Stephen, spent months or even years away from their families while being held hostage.
WHAT LIES AHEAD
“The road to recovery after your release entails intentional choices,” Yolande Korkie says. In 2013 she and her husband, Pierre, were kidnapped and taken hostage by Al Qaeda while working as missionaries in Yemen. She was released 228 days later, after which she spent 11 months waiting anxiously to hear if her husband would be freed. Pierre (55) died
during a failed rescue mission by American forces.
“Only half of me was free,” she says. “I only actually started to adapt and heal once Pierre was buried.”
Yolande (51) says that after being freed there’s a new set of challenges to face. Everyone lives for the reunion and yet when it happens you discover everyone involved has changed in the time you were away. Once reunited you need to try to find each other again.
“When you return, people handle you with kid gloves,” Monique Strydom says.
Monique (now 53) and husband Callie (54) were held with 19 other tourists for four months in 2000 after being abducted while on holiday in the Philippines. (They’ve since divorced.)
“They’re incredibly careful because they’re not sure if you’re okay. But actually all you want once you return is to be treated normally. And to go on with your life. We wanted to be in control of our own lives again because for so long other people had been in control.”
Former reconnaissance soldier Wynand du Toit says Stephen and his family must realise that life didn’t stand still while he was away. “They’ll need to dig deep to deal with all the changes and issues that have arisen while he was away.”
Wynand (now 59) was captured in Angola in 1985 after a failed operation with the South African Army. He was held hostage there for more than two years and returned home only in 1987. He wrote the book Judasbok/Judas Goat about his experiences.
“I quickly made peace with what had happened to me,” he says. “But even after 30 years there probably are still some things I need to work through. The faster a hostage makes peace with what happened to them the better. The fact of the matter is it happened. You can’t do anything about that. You’ll change quite a bit but accept it and be grateful you got a second chance at life.” Wynand believes the intense public interest is one of the major challenges, especially when the person has lived in isolation for several years. “You’re like a computer with too much information. Sooner or later you’ll crash.”
He says it’s a good thing the McGowns took off to a quiet place like Kruger. “The silence will facilitate a measure of introspection and give the family a chance to get to know one another again.”
Yolande says captivity robs a person of several things. “You’re stripped of yourself, your dignity and your intelligence.”
But once home it can be difficult returning to your career and picking up where you left off. “If there’s no money, the person will have to start working soon to put food on the table,” Wynand says. “It can put a lot of pressure on him and his family – especially if you haven’t sat in an office for years.”
Stephen, formerly a risk manager at a bank, says he’s thinking of going into business with his dad, who owns several agriculture and construction companies.
Monique says she and Callie found it hard to perform the simplest tasks. “Callie and I had tremendous problems concentrating and weren’t immediately able to drive a car again or watch a movie.”
Yolande says she found it most difficult to make small talk. “Captivity rewrote our perspectives and priorities. The rugby score wasn’t – and isn’t – important anymore.”
DO THEIR LOVED ONES UNDERSTAND?
Wynand believes the fact Stephen adopted the Muslim faith might prove to be one of the most difficult things for his family. “If as a loved one you depended on Christ to bring him back home and you used to know him as a Christian the way he now exercises his choice of faith will confuse and concern you.”
But he says it’s important to confront any issues head on. “If they hold back it will boil over and cause unnecessary negativity.”
Having been alone for so long, it might also be hard for Stephen to open up to his family. “People can’t fully understand what you’re going through,” Monique says. “Fortunately Callie and I had each other but it’s very different to go through something like that on your own.”
ADVICE FOR THE MONTHS AHEAD
“It’s not all about difficulty,” Yolande says. “There will also be many enjoyable highlights. And with a sense of humour and bags of support it’s possible to adjust.”
“They’re not the people they were when they last saw each other,” Monique says about Stephen and Catherine. “Unfortunately that’s the reality. They have to get to know each other all over again because they’ve both changed trying to cope with what they were going through. There are a lot of challenges ahead of them.”
Monique says she’s started a prayer group for the McGowns. “We believe God has intervened to bring Stephen back home safely. But we’re also praying they’ll heal from all the trauma they’ve experienced.”
Yolande believes love can conquer anything. “I’d rather just encourage them. I believe that love always protects, that love is patient and perseveres, no matter the obstacle.” S