YOU LIFESTYLE | ADVICE
(From previous page) that. The longer you stand in front of someone who’s being mean to you the more time they have to think of mean things to say – and to watch how you react to their comments. That’s how they find your weak spots.
In the shock and hurt of what you’re experiencing it’s easy to freeze up. Don’t. Move away. If you remove yourself from the situation you give yourself time and space to think about what’s going on, what you feel about it and how you want to behave. How to use it How you walk away is important. Don’t storm off in a huff. This just lets the mean kid know they’ve hurt you. Don’t go off upset, tearful and sulking either.
It can be hard to do but part of getting a mean person to leave you alone is to not let them know how much they’ve hurt you. Why? Because the mean kid now knows what will upset you, they know how to get a reaction from you – and they’ll do it again.
This doesn’t mean we must deny our feelings but you need to discuss your feelings with someone you trust. Until you’re with that person in a private space you need to act stronger than you’re feeling.
Have you ever heard the saying, “Fake it until you make it”? This means putting on a brave face and with time you might surprise yourself by realising you’re stronger than you think you are. When to use it Often, usually in conjunction with other tools. Stand up for yourself by saying something assertive then turn around and walk away.
When you walk away after being assertive you give the mean kid the message that you’re no longer interested in what they have to say; that you’ve given your response and that’s it – the conversation is over. It’s really hard for a mean kid to fight with someone who doesn’t want to fight. Try this out with a sibling and you’ll be amazed. When not to use it If you use this tool before you’ve stood up for yourself – for example by saying, “I like myself just the way I am” – the bully might follow you to taunt you. It might also make you appear scared, which will only encourage the mean kid.
It’s more effective to acknowledge and respect your thoughts and feelings by using one or two assertiveness tools before you walk away. Things to watch out for Sometimes kids keep arguing with a bully to prove a point. Perhaps they want to change the mean kid’s mind or explain themselves. Of course you want to defend yourself, to prove you’re strong and capable. But you also need to be smart. You need to acknowledge who you’re dealing with.
Mean kids are really good at being nasty and they like to catch you by surprise. When you’re caught off-guard with a hurtful comment it’s hard to think clearly. Try to stand up for yourself a bit, then remove yourself to give yourself some time to think about what you want to do about it. S