HE’S A PARAPLEGIC NOW AND I CAN’T COPE
My husband had a car accident a year ago and is now a paraplegic. Although he’s been incredibly brave and does his best to cope with it day to day, I’m finding it difficult to deal with.
He’s no longer able to have voluntary erections and can no longer do all the physical things he used to do, such as running, playing golf, swimming and so on. It’s almost as if I now have another child (my husband and I have one child). The insurance claim has gone on forever with no resolution, which means I have to be his primary caregiver.
I find myself thinking about the future and wondering how I’m going to cope with this. I don’t have any wish to divorce my husband. He was there for me in difficult times when I needed support. But I just don’t know how I’m going to cope. Rizelle, email Coping with a traumatic, life-changing experience like this can only be done one day at a time. Although your husband is no longer able to walk, he can think, feel, dream, be a companion to you, and there are even sports he could participate in. You both have to adapt to the new circumstances of your life and it will take a while.
If you help him to do as much as he can, you’ll also in a way help yourself. The more independent he becomes, the more you’ll be able to return to a life where you have a partner and not just someone you have to take care of.
If your husband gets involuntary erections he might be able to have sex with the assistance of medication or some other method. He needs to consult a urologist who specialises in sexual matters for assistance in this regard.
Unfortunately third-party claims do take a while as experts for both sides (the Road Accident Fund and your husband’s attorney) have to do their evaluations and write their reports before the matter can be settled. All you can do is ask your husband’s attorney to expedite it as best he or she can.
Often all the attention is focused on the injured person and people lose sight of the fact that the person’s loved ones are also traumatised because life can never be the same again. I’d suggest seeing a psychologist. Talking about your thoughts and feelings will help you feel better and it’s not always easy to share these feelings with your partner or a friend.