Tyler Perry makes peace with past
Director Tyler Perry suffered years of abuse as a child – but he learnt to forgive, let go of the suffering and be a better man
HE WAS called useless and a jackass and beaten and terrorised by the man who should’ve protected him and made his home a safe and loving place. For years Hollywood hotshot Tyler Perry could not look at childhood photos of himself without tears welling up as nightmarish memories surfaced of the abuse meted out at the hands of his supposed father, Emmitt Perry Snr.
Tyler, born Emmitt Perry Jnr, changed his name to distance himself from his father as soon as he was able. Today he’s a highly respected filmmaker, actor, comedian, writer and songwriter with a $600 million (R7,8 billion) fortune to his name.
His fame and wealth would’ve made it easy to distance himself even further from Emmitt, who made his life such a living hell he thought he’d die before he grew up. Yet Tyler (48) hasn’t turned his back on his dad – anything but.
Despite the dark past, he provides a home and care for the man who abused him for years – because his late mother asked him to, he said in a recent interview on Oprah Winfrey’s show Oprah’s Master Class.
“Number one, my mother asked me to because she loved him,” he said.
“And secondly, as terrible as he was, and as horrible as he was, he never once left us.
“We were never hungry. And every time he’d go to work all week, he’d bring the money home. In return, I’m giving him what he gave to me. I had shelter. I had food. He has shelter, pretty nice shelter, and any food that he wants to eat.”
But he went on to say that Emmitt doesn’t have everything. “What I missed getting from him – a relationship – is also what he’s missing from me now. So he doesn’t have everything. He has what’s easy.”
CHILDHOOD TERROR
Emmitt, a construction worker and carpenter, beat, belittled and cursed Tyler until he was 19 years old.
“He’d say, ‘ You’re a jackass. You got book sense but you ain’t got no common sense’,” Tyler recalls. “I heard this every day of my childhood.”
One night when his mother, Willie Perry, was out, his drunken father got the vacuum cleaner extension cord, trapped him in a room and beat him until the skin came off his back, he says.
The fact Tyler was a sickly child further enraged Emmitt – and his grandmother wasn’t sympathetic either. It annoyed her that the family spent money on allergy shots so one day, when his mom was out, his gran decided “to kill those germs on me once and for all”, Tyler says. “She gave me a bath in ammonia.”
Tyler was also subjected to sexual abuse as a child – he was molested by a friend’s mother and another friend’s father. And he discovered Emmitt was molest
ing a friend of his, he claimed.
The violence in the home prompted his mother to pack up the car and take Tyler and his two sisters from Louisiana to California.
Emmitt reported the car stolen and the family was locked in jail until Emmitt came to get them.
Tyler says Emmitt beat his mother all the way home.
LETTING IT GO
The actor and comedian first spoke out about his childhood abuse in 2009 in an emotional message posted on his website. He then did his first tell-all interview with Oprah ahead of the release of Precious, the highly acclaimed yet harrowing movie that also deals with childhood abuse.
Tyler was an executive producer on the film.
“I’m tired of holding this in,” he said. “I don’t know what to do with it anymore so I’ve decided to give some away.”
“[Precious] dislodged raw emotions and brought me to things and places I needed to deal with but had long forgotten. It brought back memories so strong I can smell and taste them”.
Learning to forgive was the most important lesson he learnt from his experience. “I forgave him. The same amount of strength to take it is the same amount of strength it takes to let it go. As a man I’m not going to sit here and let myself suffer anymore.”
After going public he expected to hear from his father. Instead he got another nasty surprise.
“Emmitt sends a message through my brother [Emmbre Perry] saying, ‘If I had beat your ass one more time, you probably would’ve been Barack Obama’.”
Emmitt has never publicly commented on the allegations of abuse.
MORE DARK SECRETS
In a bizarre twist, Tyler’s mom confessed to him on her deathbed that Emmitt wasn’t his biological father.
“I love my mother to death but she lied to me,” he said.
His mother, who died in 2009, had always insisted the man he refers to as a “bastard” was his biological father. Yet Tyler had suspected Emmitt wasn’t his real dad because of the abuse he inflicted on him. “I’d always known this man despised me and I couldn’t figure out for the longest time why he hated me so,” he said. “Every action was about his hatred or disdain for me. “I’m sure my mom had her reasons why she didn’t tell me. She came from a different time. I don’t know the full reason, I don’t even know if she knew. “If I could wake her up to have one more conversation, that would be the one.” He has reportedly been searching for his biological father without any success.
HONOUR THY PARENTS
Tyler and his partner, Gelila Bekele, live in Atlanta with their son, Aman (2).
The Perry family home in Louisiana, where Emmitt lived with his daughter, burnt down in March this year in an electrical fire.
The mansion had been Tyler’s mom’s dream home and after the blaze – in which no one was hurt – Tyler posted a message on Facebook about what the house meant to him and his family, starting with Exodus 20:12.
“Honour your father and your mother, so that you may live long in the land the Lord your God is giving you.
“The house my family lost in Louisiana was my mother’s dream home. One of my greatest blessings is she got to live in it for almost three years before she died in 2009.
“One of her final requests was that I take care of my daddy (her words) after she died. So in her honour, and in the spirit of her kindness and her faith as well as my own, I’ve been doing and will continue to do just that.
“The house was a total loss, but he got out alive. No amount of fire can burn away the memories I shared with my mom there. God bless and thank you for all the well wishes and prayers.”
PROUD SURVIVOR
Tyler paid tribute to his childhood self on Facebook recently. “I’m so proud of you,” he wrote. “You were so strong. You made it through all kinds of heartache. You stayed alive for me. I love you so much. I hope the man I am today makes you proud every day. You gave me my life.” S