My son the organ donor
A candid family conversation about organ donation meant that mom Janine knew what her son would’ve wanted
AS SHE sat in the intensive-care unit holding her son’s hand her mind was spinning. How could this possibly happen to her beautiful blue-eyed surfer boy? Just hours before Bryn (17) had been laughing and joking as he headed out to the gym with his brother. Then Janine Magree (44) got the call that would shatter her world: her eldest child had collapsed during his workout session; his heart had stopped and bystanders were frantically trying to resuscitate him.
Now here he was in King Edward VIII Hospital in Durban, and although Bryn was lying upright in bed, his eyes were closed and his frazzled mom couldn’t see the slightest trace of life. His heart was pumping again, but doctors could find no sign of brain function, with scans showing he’d suffered an aneurysm.
And while they were being cautious in their predictions and told her they still needed to run tests, Janine could read between the lines – deep down she knew she’d never hear her son laughing again.
At that moment more than anything she just wanted to hear the cold hard facts – even if they’d devastate her. Desperate for answers, she asked her nursing sister friend who was with her for advice. She wanted to know only one thing: had she ever seen a patient in such bad shape who’d managed to stage a miraculous recovery? When her friend said no, Janine knew what she had to do.
If her son had to die she was determined some good would come of it.
Janine had registered as an organ donor months earlier, with her family sharing her perspective. She knew her son would’ve desperately wanted his body to be used to help others and she was determined to see that his wishes were carried out to the letter.
But she was aware she needed to act quickly – if too much time was lost Bryn’s organs might not be viable for donation.
And so she decided to take charge. She asked the doctors what steps they’d need to take to determine if their son was brainstem dead so they could begin the process of having his organs procured.
“The doctors were shocked I’d raised the subject,” Janine says. “When I asked why, they answered that they were reluctant to address organ donation as many families were against the idea. It stood to reason – Bryn being a young boy probably made it doubly contentious.”
They told her they’d run tests. When the result showed that Bryn’s brainstem was dead Janine had only one more request for them: would they break the news to all of Bryn’s friends gathered at the hospital who were praying for his recovery.
“I didn’t want anyone to think I was this crazy woman who wants to hack up
‘Doctors were shocked I’d raised the subject. They were reluctant to address organ donation as many families were against the idea’
her son straight away and not give it any thought. So I asked him to speak to them, and explain that tests had been done which showed that he was already dead.”
And so the wheels started turning to make sure Bryn’s final wish became a reality. “Our family went home for three hours’ sleep and woke up to the devastating realisation we’d be going to the hospital to say goodbye to our beautiful 17-year-old,” Janine writes on the website hero 777.co.za, which aims to raise awareness about organ and tissue donation.
“It hurt like hell and it still does, but we have the consolation of knowing his fit, young body was used to help others. What I didn’t know at the time was that by agreeing to donate not only organs, but tissue, bone and corneas, Bryn was helping as many as 60 people.”
It wasn’t only his major organs that were donated but also his bones, tendons, heart valves and skin. While it’s strict policy that the exact details of who benefited from her son’s organs remains a secret, Janine is aware that his heart, liver and pancreas could potentially have saved three lives and his kidneys and lungs might have helped up to four people.
In addition to throwing a lifeline to those in need, his contribution has offered an unexpected benefit for his family.
“What’s also wonderful for us is that it also allows us to talk about our son,” Janine says.
THE family’s home in Westville is filled with photos of Bryn – in one he looks tanned and athletic as he performs lifeguard duty at a nearby beach. His road to becoming an organ donor began with an animated discussion at the family dinner table last September.
Having met another Durban mother, Janet Legemaate, whose 19-year-old son Matthew’s life has been hanging by a thread for the past six years because he desperately needs a heart bilateral lung transplant, Janine, a former journalist, had strong feelings on the issue.
Around the same time another one of her friends, Liza Johnson, died in a motorcycle accident. Janine was inspired after hearing that Liza was a donor – she drew comfort from the fact that her friend’s organs were being used to help others.
After registering as an organ donor she decided to explain her decision to her family so they’d be aware of her wishes.
“We discussed it around the dinner table. More trying to eat than focusing on what Janine was saying,” jokes Brett, who runs his own construction business.
Talking about it is something the Organ Donor Foundation (ODF) encourages, Janine adds. And she’s so glad she did because Bryn let them know exactly what he thought about the matter.
“What am I going to do with my organs when I’m dead?” he said.
Today, Janine is so relieved they had this discussion. “If we hadn’t talked about it at the time, I don’t know how it would’ve panned out.
“We didn’t know what Bryn wanted until I asked, until I sat at the dining room table and talked about it.”
And this made it so much easier for her when tragedy struck on 1 February.
“It wasn’t this terrible thing where I decided I’m going to slice my son open. We talked about it. It was meant to be”.
Once his organs and tissue had been procured Bryn was cremated and a memorial was held at Westville Boys’ High School, where he’d been a learner, with more than 2 000 mourners in attendance.
Going forward, Janine aims to spread as much awareness as possible about the merits of organ donation.
She’s actively involved in Hero 777, the website Janet created to tell the stories of those who’ve donated their organs and the benefactors who are living a better life today because of it.
The site’s name comes from the idea that if you get seven friends to become registered donors with the foundation, and get each of them to register seven people, and repeat this seven times, it will result in 823 543 registrations.
Of the 55 million people in South Africa, only 110 000 people are registered donors. This has resulted in an urgent need for organs, leaving people like Matthew waiting for years.
“The organ donor movement and Hero 777 specifically have given me a renewed sense of purpose,” Janine says.
But she concedes it’s hard. “When you sit down on your own at night you burst into tears,” Janine says.
“I can’t believe that it’s happened, you know. It’s so surreal. You think he’s going to come back, surely?”
That’s why she’s so desperate to get other people to register as organ donors with the Organ Donor Foundation.
“I want people to register, because if they don’t register there’s no quantifiable result,” Janine says.
It’s her way of making sense of her personal tragedy and ensuring her beautiful boy’s legacy lives on.