Ask Dr Louise

Q Life has been cruel to me. I lost both my parents when I was 10 and was then brought up by an aunt who didn’t want children and was simply fulfilling her duty to her brother. She gave me food and the material things I needed but no love or support. In fact, she loved her two dogs more than me.

I paid for university with the money my parents left me and got no support from my aunt during my four years of study. I graduated and started my career in engineering and now, after 10 years, I’m well on the way to becoming part of top management in my firm. I’m really enjoying my life, although I haven’t yet met the woman of my dreams.

Recently my aunt told me she’s no longer able to stay in her home and needs care as she’s developed motor neurone disease (MND). I feel compelled to look after her, but can’t forget how she cruelly refused to give me love and affection. How am I going to do it? Richard, email

A Sometimes life throws you a curveball, but if you catch it you might be surprised at how things play out. You don’t know what happened in your aunt’s life to make her wary of showing love and care. But if you show her love now that she needs it you might be surprised at the person inside the shell she’s built around herself.

Help her as much as you can – make her comfortable and give her support. If you take her into your home you could get a caregiver so that you can still live your life and not end up feeling resentment towards her.

Make a point of spending time with her every day and really try to get to know her. At worst she’ll keep up the façade, at best you might have the pleasure of getting to know a different side of her.

Whatever happens, you’ll then not only have done your duty (just as she did), you’ll also have gone the extra mile by being there for her when she needed you. It’s easy to love people who love us – it’s far more challenging to love someone who rejects love.