SHE’S JUST NOT IN­TER­ESTED IN SEX

YOU (South Africa) - - LIFESTYLE -

My wife started los­ing in­ter­est in sex af­ter hav­ing our first child. It was only when she wanted to get preg­nant again that the flame was reignited.

For about four years she’d al­low me sex once a week if she wasn’t tired. And then it would be the same old rou­tine – she’d just lie back and wait for it to be over, then turn around and go to sleep.

Try­ing to spice things up with toys made it worse. Un­for­tu­nately she had to have a hys­terec­tomy due to can­cer and since the op­er­a­tion she has no more feel­ing down there. It’s aw­ful know­ing she can’t feel me, let alone en­joy sex.

What else can I try? It’s wor­ry­ing me be­cause we’re close and do most things to­gether. She’s es­pe­cially needy these days and quite emo­tional, which is drain­ing me. Kobus, email A hys­terec­tomy could lead to in­hi­bi­tion of sex­ual de­sire, but this isn’t nec­es­sar­ily the case.

And it cer­tainly isn’t com­mon for a woman to lose all feel­ing in her vagina or be un­able to feel any stim­u­la­tion af­ter a hys­terec­tomy.

Your wife should con­sult a gy­nae­col­o­gist who spe­cialises in sex­ual dys­func­tions. The gy­nae­col­o­gist can check if the surgery has some­thing to do with her be­ing un­able to feel any­thing.

How­ever your wife’s sex­ual prob­lems ap­pear to have a longer his­tory. It seems as if she hasn’t made much of an ef­fort to re­solve the prob­lem over the years and sim­ply ex­pected you to fall in with her de­mands.

The two of you need to con­sult a psy­chol­o­gist who spe­cialises in cou­ples sex ther­apy to work on the emo­tional di­men­sions of the prob­lem.

Your wife will need to be will­ing to face the prob­lem and not hide be­hind the can­cer and hys­terec­tomy.

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