SHE’S JUST NOT INTERESTED IN SEX

My wife started losing interest in sex after having our first child. It was only when she wanted to get pregnant again that the flame was reignited.

For about four years she’d allow me sex once a week if she wasn’t tired. And then it would be the same old routine – she’d just lie back and wait for it to be over, then turn around and go to sleep.

Trying to spice things up with toys made it worse. Unfortunately she had to have a hysterectomy due to cancer and since the operation she has no more feeling down there. It’s awful knowing she can’t feel me, let alone enjoy sex.

What else can I try? It’s worrying me because we’re close and do most things together. She’s especially needy these days and quite emotional, which is draining me. Kobus, email A hysterectomy could lead to inhibition of sexual desire, but this isn’t necessarily the case.

And it certainly isn’t common for a woman to lose all feeling in her vagina or be unable to feel any stimulation after a hysterectomy.

Your wife should consult a gynaecologist who specialises in sexual dysfunctions. The gynaecologist can check if the surgery has something to do with her being unable to feel anything.

However your wife’s sexual problems appear to have a longer history. It seems as if she hasn’t made much of an effort to resolve the problem over the years and simply expected you to fall in with her demands.

The two of you need to consult a psychologist who specialises in couples sex therapy to work on the emotional dimensions of the problem.

Your wife will need to be willing to face the problem and not hide behind the cancer and hysterectomy.