MY FI­ANCÉ IS DIS­ABLED AND I CAN’T COPE

YOU (South Africa) - - LIFESTYLE -

My fi­ancé and I are both 25 and a month ago he was in a hor­rific ac­ci­dent in which he broke his back and sus­tained brain in­jury.

The doc­tors have told us there’s a 50/50 chance he’ll walk again and that the true na­ture of the brain in­jury will only be clear in a few months.

I’ve tried to stand by my fi­ancé but I find it dif­fi­cult to deal with his disability. I also want my part­ner to com­ple­ment my good looks as peo­ple tell me I’m beau­ti­ful.

I can’t see my­self mar­ry­ing him if he can never walk again – the idea hor­ri­fies me.

What should I do? I know his fam­ily will hate me for leav­ing him but wouldn’t it be more cruel to let him think I still care for him when my love for him is gone? Vir­ginia, email It gen­er­ally takes at least two years to re­cover from a brain in­jury as only af­ter this pe­riod will the ef­fects be viewed as permanent.

But I’ve seen pa­tients with brain in­juries who are still able to live a full and re­ward­ing life and hold down good jobs, even though it does take a bit more ef­fort.

The in­abil­ity to walk doesn’t make some­one less of a per­son. But your feel­ings on the mat­ter make it clear you’re not up to the chal­lenges liv­ing with a disability en­tails.

Al­though he might be re­ally sad when you leave him now, it would be to his ben­e­fit even­tu­ally.

We all have a “lan­guage of love”, which is the way we show and like to re­ceive love from our part­ner.

Ide­ally a cou­ple should speak the same lan­guage. And it’s clear the two of you don’t.

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