YES, BUT WHAT ABOUT THE VAMPIRE REPELLENT? AND THE SEX DUST?

It’s actually Psychic Vampire Repellent, which means it’s not infused with garlic, nor is it intended to keep the Twilight or True Blood crowd at bay.

Rather, it “shields your aura” and “banishes bad vibes” from “the people who might be causing them”.

Priced at $30 (R405) for a 100ml bottle, this sprayable elixir contains “sonically tuned water, moonlight, love, reiki and gem elixirs”.

Yes, really – that’s what it says on the label.

Sex Dust, despite looking like a jar of hot chocolate, is in fact “a lusty edible formula alchemised to ignite and excite sexy energy in and out of the bedroom”.

It sells for $38 (R513) and contains “cacao powder, shilajit extract, shatavari root powder, epimedium (aka horny goat weed) leaf extract, maca root extract, schisandra berry powder and stevia leaf extract”.

It’s a little Goop Greek to us – except maybe the horny goat weed.

All of this was created not by GP but by Amanda Chantal Bacon, a California health-shop owner who’s also been mocked for using ingredients that are equal parts obscure and expensive in her exotic concoctions. She told news website Splinter that the Sex Dust recipe is “based on ancient Taoist elixirs that have been known for centuries to promote longevity, beauty, sexual potency and expansion of the heart and mind”. But the Splinter journalist who put it to the test was less than impressed. “It smells god-awful,” she said. “Like a muddy barnyard covered in cocaine – but worse.” In other words, not exactly conducive to rapture.