MY BOYFRIEND JUST CAN’T COMMIT

Q My boyfriend and I have been living together for nine years – since I was 21 years old. He keeps talking about getting married but has never got down to actually asking me to marry him.

I don’t want to push him as I don’t want him to marry me if that’s not what he really wants. But it’s what I want and I’ve put off having children as I believe you should be married because that’s what’s best for kids. What can I do to get things moving in the direction I want them to go? Leslie, email

A Your boyfriend might fear making that kind of commitment because of something that happened in his past. His parents might have had a bad marriage or he might have had a traumatic experience with a previous girlfriend and is therefore afraid of such a serious commitment.

On the other hand, some people just procrastinate and stick with the status quo because making a change requires effort.

If things are amiable between you, try to steer the conversation towards how he sees your future together. If he talks about marriage it would be a good opportunity for you to tell him your biological clock is ticking and that time is of the essence.

Say that if he wants a family then the two of you need to start planning for it. Then just leave it there and give him time to think about it. If after a few months he still hasn’t made a more serious commitment you need to decide if you’d be happy to stay with him if nothing changes.