Protect our women and children
I wonder how many readers can relate to this situation: sparing the feelings of the family of an adulterer and molester to the detriment of the emotional and mental wellbeing of another.
When my daughter was 16 we had a party at our home to celebrate my husband’s birthday. We’d arranged for a few friends to sleep over so there were beds made up on the floor. It was late and my daughter had fallen asleep, mercifully fully clothed, on my bed.
She woke up to find her uncle, my husbands’ brother, next to her trying to get his hands into her jeans! He was whispering to her. She came to call me and told me what had happened.
He was very drunk and my only thought at that moment was to get him out of my house immediately! His wife and children had left earlier. Somebody threw him out and I assume he drove himself home.
At the time the men in my family wanted to harm him physically and I wanted him locked up, but my daughter’s first thoughts were for his children.
She didn’t want them to find out what a despicable pig he was. I told her I thought we should call the police but as he hadn’t managed to get inside her jeans she thought she could move past it as long as she didn’t have any contact with him.
It emerged he was under the impression he was fondling my friend who’d been sleeping in the same room because he’d seen her enter my bedroom. No less disgusting behaviour but not a personal targeting of my child.
Although it seemed my daughter had managed to put the incident behind her, she later developed mental and physical health problems related to stress.
How I wish I’d realised that giving her the choice of charging him wasn’t the right thing to do. She was scared of being the one to cause the family split that would inevitably have resulted, but I should have been the adult.
I shouldn’t have worried about causing the wife pain, about the scandal my mother-in-law would have had to endure, about the feelings of his children. I should have known my daughter would suffer for the rest of her life as the result of somehow feeling we’d failed her. I didn’t understand.
I failed my child and I’ll never forgive myself for that. BREAK THE SILENCE, EMAIL
During 16 Days of Activism for No Violence against Women and Children I think it should stand as a strong statement and deterrent to would-be abusers that Christopher Panayiotou has been sentenced to life in prison for his part in the murder of his wife, Jayde, and that Oscar Pistorius’ sentence of six years for murdering Reeva Steenkamp has been effectively doubled by the Supreme Court of Appeal.
These are two high-profile cases and hopefully they will go a long way in making men think before they act violently towards their partner. RB SIMPSON, EMAIL
The lengthy jail terms for Pistorius and Panayiotou must serve as a clear warning to violent men that brutal crime in SA won’t be tolerated.
We also show contempt for the victim if we don’t send the message that by taking a human life in a calculating way the perpetrator assaults the structure of law and shows a cold-blooded disregard for that person. FAROUK ARAIE, BENONI