I’M AFRAID I’LL FIND OUT HE’S MARRIED

I’m 32 and I started a relationship with a 40-year-old guy in 2016. After a while I found out he had a girlfriend he’d been living with for 10 years and they had a three-year-old son. She ended up going to my workplace and accusing me of stealing her man in front of my boss and I had to leave my job.

He stayed with me for a while but then went back to the house he shared with her. After an argument she moved out but I found out later that he was still communicating with her.

He’s apologised and asked me to give him time and wait for him, but I just don’t feel I have control over my life anymore.

I have a good job and two sons aged, 8 and 10, from a previous relationship, and I just want someone who cares for me and will be honest with me. I’m tired of being used and lied to. I love him but I’m afraid that one day I’ll wake up and find out he’s married. Innocentia, email Your boyfriend has the best of both worlds. He has his girlfriend of 10 years – the mother of his son – and he’s having an affair with you. It’s quite possible he may well marry her. So your fear is well grounded.

You have to either accept that you’re his bit on the side or end the relationship. Remember, he has a child with this woman so even if he leaves her and chooses you he’ll still be in contact with her. And let’s be honest – his behaviour seems to indicate that he doesn’t love you enough to choose to be with you exclusively.

The present arrangement suits your boyfriend just fine but it’s not a good one for you. You need to accept the fact that it’s up to you to change it. You’re cutting yourself off from the opportunity to meet other men and allow yourself a new beginning. Tell him you’re not interested in being a member of his harem and that you want a relationship with someone who’s willing to commit to you alone.