HE MADE NO EFFORT BUT I MISS HIM

Q: I’m 21 and started my first relationship in 2016. It was amazing at first but I felt I was the only one making an effort.

After a year I suggested ending things as I felt I deserved more than he was putting into the relationship. My friends had commented on it too and I was hoping he’d prove them wrong. But he ended up not fighting for me and said we weren’t ready for a longterm relationship. He hasn’t contacted me since.

He was my first love and I invested a lot of time in the relationship. I still love him and am struggling to recover from the break-up. If I hadn’t suggested it we’d still be together. Was I wrong? Heartbroken, email

A: Relationships are complex and each partner brings their own “something”, but you certainly should both put the same amount of effort in if it’s going to be fulfilling to both parties.

It’s important to note that outsiders can’t always determine accurately what’s going on in a relationship. And it doesn’t really matter what other people think – the important thing is that both partners are happy and thriving.

If he hasn’t been in touch, it’s unlikely he wants to resume the relationship. Why not send him an SMS to tell him you miss him then simply leave the ball in his court. If he misses you he’ll probably contact you and if not, you’ll know it’s time to move on.

Don’t get caught up in thinking about what might have been – it will stop you from moving forward. One’s first relationship will always be special, but you’re young and are likely to have several more significant relationships.