I’M GOING TO GIVE GOING IT ALONE A CHANCE

Q I’m 29 and was in a relationship with a married man for some time. I knew from the beginning that nothing would come of it as he told me that for the sake of his children he’d never leave his wife.

The thing is, I’ve decided I want to have a baby. I’m willing to do it on my own by making use of modern technology and a sperm donor. I have a good job and can look after myself financially.

After my experience with this married man, I feel I don’t want to have anything to do with men again as they just bring heartache. So why not go it alone? Rose, email

A Your primary function as a woman is to be a fullyfunctioning individual who has a variety of healthy relationships with others – and this includes an intimate relationship.

You shouldn’t build your life primarily on the idea of having a child. Children eventually grow up and leave the nest and have their own lives.

So although your child might be in your life all the time, it won’t be the same once she or he has left home. You will be left alone without a companion and without having someone special in your life.

I would suggest rethinking your idea for a number of reasons.

Firstly, it’s not easy being a single parent as the pressures of parenthood are immense. Secondly, research shows that children in fact need a mother and a father. Thirdly, children from homes where either the mother or father is obsessed with having a child are often over-protected to their own detriment. And four, children are expensive – not only financially but also in terms of the emotional involvement required, which is why it’s difficult for a single parent.

Your decision not to have anything to do with men anymore most likely stems from the heartbreak of this relationship. But not all men are heartless and selfish.

See a psychologist so you can work through your feelings and gain a more balanced perspective on life.