I’M DISAPPOINTED – BUT I’D WELCOME HIM BACK WITH OPEN ARMS
Dad (84) devastated as his beloved son (51) wants adoption reversed
THERE were many times when he asked himself if he was doing the right thing. When Hannes Maré looked at his son Eben he often wondered how he’d react if he found out the truth: that he and his wife weren’t his biological parents. But Hannes was too scared to tell Eben because he remembered the oath he’d sworn in court more than half a century ago. A magistrate made him promise never to try to find the biological parents of the baby boy he was adopting.
And now decades later everything he feared has come true. After discovering the truth Eben isn’t only furious with Hannes and his wife, Eugené, for keeping him in the dark for so long, but at age 51 is turning to the courts to have his adoption declared invalid.
Hannes (84) sighs heavily as he tells us about the hardships he faces in the twilight of his life. In 1966 he and Eugené adopted baby Eben, the same Professor Eben Maré who recently told YOU about his high court battle to benefit from the estate of his biological dad, Pieter André Bezuidenhout (YOU, 15 March 2018).
The multimillionaire was murdered in 2016, three years after he and Eben met for the first time. André left a fortune worth about R86 million. Because Eben was adopted as a baby and his biological dad didn’t leave a will he isn’t legally entitled to a cent of it. Unless he can persuade a court to declare his adoption null and void the entire estate will be divided among André’s three surviving children and one of his grandchildren.
But his court bid is causing his adoptive parents great pain. Today Hannes, his adoptive dad, or “real father” as he calls himself, is talking exclusively to YOU to explain his side of the story. He was just doing his parental duty protecting his
child – and he has no regrets about his silence of so many decades, he says.
“We never treated Eben like an extra in our house. I don’t understand his behaviour and I’m deeply disappointed but I’d welcome him back with open arms.”
HANNES is a tall man, slightly stooped in old age, but his handshake is firm. We’re chatting at his townhouse in Pretoria. Eugené (84) isn’t home. She’s been receiving her 22nd round of chemotherapy for colon cancer over the past week.
“She underwent surgery on 7 February 2016 and they removed a tumour the size of my fist. After the op Eben and his children visited her for 15 minutes and that was the last time she saw them,” Hannes says with bitterness.
Despite his age Hannes has a good memory for dates and names. Being meticulous with facts used to be a vital part of his job as a traffic cop and later as the head of Pretoria’s traffic department.
His thoughts return to the past as he tells us about the day in 1966 he and Eugené got the call they’d been waiting two years to receive. It was eight years after they’d lost their second son. He’d died of a suspected heart problem at just seven weeks old and they’d been advised not to have children again. Their eldest boy, Eugené Jnr, was 10 years old when Eben was adopted.
“On 26 September we got the call saying, ‘There’s a baby available. Would you like to have him?’ His wife was in hospital having a hysterectomy so Hannes had to make the decision on his own.
“I said yes immediately,” Hannes recalls. A day later I appeared before a magistrate in the children’s court in Pretoria,” he says. “It was a closed adoption because the baby’s parents were minors. The magistrate explained about open and closed adoptions.”
That meant no contact was allowed between the biological parents and the child and adoptive family. Only once a child turned 18 could they try to trace their biological parents.
When the Children’s Act was amended in 2005 the distinction between closed and open adoptions no longer applied. Biological and adoptive parents can now enter into a contract to facilitate visits and information-sharing about the child.
The day after Hannes attended the children’s court he went to fetch Eben – then just two days old – and took him to see Eugené in hospital. “She was so happy. We’d waited for him for a long time and immediately accepted him as our son.”
In subsequent years family and friends were told about the closed adoption but asked to keep it confidential. The secret would leak out only 46 years later – with devastating consequences.
Eben discovered the truth in 2012 when his daughter, Desiré (now 28), got hold of an old family register. Next to Eben’s name were the words “adopted child”. He subsequently broke ties with his adoptive parents because he was spitting mad that they’d kept the adoption from him.
Despite everything Hannes remains proud of his son, who’s a fund manager at a top bank and a part-time maths professor at the University of Pretoria.
“We were a close family. Eben did well at school. He’s worked hard and deserves his success but we played a role in that. He was our son.”
He says there were many reasons he and his wife never told Eben the truth. “We wanted to protect him against the stigma of adoption and wanted him to feel completely part of us. Then there was also the legal aspect because it was a closed adoption.”
But the fallout from this decision is proving to be extremely painful. In 2001 Eugené Jnr died of colon cancer and now the couple have to deal with the pain of losing another son.
Hannes shakes his head and points to the court papers in front of him. “He wants to have his adoption declared invalid. I’m not going to oppose it. But then he has to give back my name.”
He and Eugené no longer discuss this great sadness of their lives. “It upsets her too much.”
Their once busy household is quiet. They used to see Eben and his wife and three adult children and two grandchildren almost daily but since the adoption bombshell they’ve only seen them a handful of times.
“Once in the lounge here Eben told us we’d always be his parents and that he understands. That was shortly after he found out. I don’t know what’s changed,” Hannes says. More than anything he’d like to be reconciled with his son.
“I’d be the happiest man on Earth if we could make our peace. I miss him.”