Ask Dr Louise

I can’t take my marriage anymore. My wife and I have been married for 10 years and she was happy to have sex for only two of those years.

After our first two years of marriage she told me she refuses to sleep with me, or any other man for that matter, as she’s not at all interested in sex, has never been and had simply been “play-acting” for my sake and couldn’t do it anymore.

From that moment on she refused to touch me or even let me hold her or cuddle her. She’s turned into a woman I would never have married – a cold, calculating person who’s concerned only about herself and her own needs.

She’s extremely controlling and wants to control my every move and rule my life. How on earth did I land up in this prison? Why did I allow myself to be hoodwinked into a so-called marriage in which none of my needs are met? Tom, email Your wife must have been a very good actress to keep up a front for two years – and more, as she must also have done so during the time you were dating. This could point to there being something more behind her decision two years into your marriage.

Perhaps she changed her mind about what she wants from life but doesn’t want to share this with you. She of course has the right to decide how she wants to live her life, but at the same time you also have the right to choose how you want to live.

It’s time for you to make that decision now. Only you can get yourself out of this prison.

Most people need emotional warmth, understanding, recognition, love and sexual intimacy from their spouse for the marriage to be fulfilling.

If your wife is no longer willing or able to meet these needs, and is controlling to boot, why would you stay?

Divorce is not to be taken lightly but if it’s the only thing that can save you as a person and make you happy again, then it’s the path you’ll have to take.