LAUGH A LITTLE
Fancy yourself a joker? Email original jokes to chuckles@you.co.za or send them to Chuckles, YOU, PO Box 7167, Roggebaai 8012, and we may publish them on this page.
HOW IT WORKS
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
VALID POINT
“Can any of you tell me why,” the teacher says, “after George Washington had chopped down his father’s cherry tree and admitted doing it, his father didn’t punish him?” Little Johnny puts up his hand. “Because George was still holding the axe?”
THE DAD FACTOR
“If you had R10,” the teacher asks her class, “and you asked your father for another R15, how much money would you have?” Little Johnny puts up his hand. “I’d have R10.” The teacher shakes her head. “You don’t know your basic maths, Johnny,” she says, disappointed. Little Johnny also shakes his head. “No, Miss,” he says, “you don’t know my dad.”
HAIR-RAISING
Son: “Dad, why have some of your hairs turned white?” Father: “Well, because every lie you’ve told me has made one of them white.” Son: “Oh, now I understand why all Granddad’s hairs are white.”
TRY AND TRY AGAIN
Saying the same thing over and over again but expecting different results . . . is called parenting.
NOT SO SMART
A lawyer, a priest and a young boy are flying in a plane when the pilot announces they’re going to crash and that everyone must strap on parachutes and prepare to jump. To their consternation the three passengers discover there are only two parachutes for them.
“Well,” the lawyer proclaims, “since I’m the smartest person on this plane I deserve to survive.” He straps on a parachute and jumps.
The priest looks at the young boy, reflects for a moment and decides he’d already lived a wonderful and full life. He tells the kid to take the last parachute and jump.
“Thanks,” the boy says, “and you can have the other ’chute because the smartest man on this plane just jumped out with my school rucksack on his back.”
HARD TO SWALLOW
A teacher is telling her class about whales and explains that despite their enormous size these animals actually have tiny throats.
A little girl puts up her hand. “But in the Bible it says Jonah was swallowed by a whale,” she says. “So the whale’s throat couldn’t have been tiny.”
The teacher reiterates that it would be impossible for a whale to swallow a human as its throat is too small.
“Well,” the little girl says, “when I get to heaven I’ll ask Jonah.”
“And what if Jonah went to hell?” the teacher asks.
“Then you can ask him!”
EARLY DAYS
“I have the perfect son,” a guy tells his friend. “Does he smoke?” his friend asks. “No, he doesn’t.” “Does he drink alcohol?” “No, he doesn’t.” “Does he ever come home late?” “No, he doesn’t.” “Well, I guess you really do have the perfect son. How old is he?”
“He’ll be six months next Wednesday.”
GOOD BABY
A three-year old is sitting with his mom in a doctor’s waiting room when he notices a pregnant woman. He walks over and looks at her inquisitively. “Why is your stomach so big?” he asks. “That’s because I’m having a baby,” she says. “Is the baby in your stomach?” he asks, his eyes big. “Yes, it is.” “Is it a good baby?” he asks, puzzled. “Oh, yes. A really good baby.” Shocked and surprised the little boy asks, “Then why did you eat him?”
MULTITASKING
One evening a father puts his small son to bed. Five minutes later he hears the boy’s voice. “Dad . . .” “What?” “I’m thirsty. Can you bring me some water?” “No. It’s too late. You had your chance. Lights out.” Five minutes later the boy calls again. “Dad . . .” “What now!” “I’m thirsty . . . Can I have some water?” “I told you, no! If you ask again I’ll have to spank you!”
Five minutes later he again hears his son’s voice. “Dad . . .” “What!” “When you come to spank me, can you bring me some water?”
NEW ON THE JOB
Man: “How old is your father?” Boy: “As old as me.” Man: “How can that be?” Boy: “Well, he became a father only when I was born.” SOURCE: UNIJOKES.COM