Zephany opens up about being a mom
As she prepares for the arrival of her second child, she talks about motherhood, family ties – and her feelings for her two moms
FOR three years she was known as “the stolen child” – the girl whose life sounds more like the plot of a Hollywood movie. But Zephany Nurse has grown up a lot since her story made headlines around the world, transforming from a bewildered teenager who had everything she believed to be true ripped from under her to a more measured, empathetic young woman.
And it’s motherhood that’s changed her, she says.
Since welcoming her daughter into the world last year Zephany is beginning to understand the all-encompassing love and heartrending loss experienced by her mothers – both of them.
Pregnant with baby No 2, she’s “doing well under the circumstances”.
“The second pregnancy is going well too,” the 21-year-old says. “It’s a baby boy and he’s active and welcomed. I’m entering my third trimester. I’m mellow about the second pregnancy since I know what the first felt like, but they do differ.”
She’s raising her daughter, Emma* (17 months), as a single parent but says her son’s dad will be part of his life.
Becoming a mom before her 21st birthday made her realise she could no longer put herself first. “It wasn’t about partying and having fun as a teenager anymore. I had to set that aside the day I had my daughter and realised that my mom wouldn’t be around me anymore on a day-to-day basis.”
Emma’s arrival has given her compassion for what her biological mom, Celeste Nurse (39), must have felt when she was stolen and what Maria*, the woman who took her, must have experienced when she miscarried her own baby.
“I can’t say that I understand exactly because I didn’t actually experience their pain but it made me question how I’d react if someone stole Emma.
“And I questioned myself about how I’d feel if I’d had a miscarriage. Honestly, I can’t answer that. But I know that both women suffered greatly.”
ZEPHANY is writing a book about her life story. She’s not sure when she’ll finish it but she says it’s already brought her a lot of healing. “I decided to do it because I need to tell the truth about my story and its uniqueness,” she says.
She hopes it can help others who are going through similar circumstances – not exactly like hers, of course, but ones where their worlds have been turned upside down nevertheless.
“It shows you can be blessed with many mothers and fathers,” she says. “Not just by DNA.”
Her story is only too well known by now: she was stolen from her mother’s
bedside in Cape Town’s Groote Schuur Hospital on 30 April 1997.
Seventeen years later, Celeste and her now ex-husband, Morne, enrolled their second daughter, Cassidy, at the same school Zephany attended. Classmates kept telling the two girls how alike they looked and after Cassidy told her parents about it the Nurses enlisted the help of the Hawks, who arrived at the school to take Zephany for DNA testing.
Last year Zephany told us she hadn’t thought for one moment she may have been the couple’s long-lost daughter (YOU, 23 March 2017).
“I was sure I wasn’t the baby they were looking for,” she says, recalling the day the cops came to the school. “The principal called me to the office. There were two social workers with the police and they started telling me everything – that I might be the baby that was stolen.
“I wasn’t sure [what to do] but I was, like, just take a DNA test. Get it done. I didn’t know the story was so big. I’d never heard of baby Zephany, I’d never heard of the Nurse family.”
The DNA results proved she was Zephany Nurse, whose parents had been searching for her for 17 years. It was the start of an arduous journey of building relationships with strangers who’d loved and missed her for her entire life.
In 2016 Maria was sentenced to 10 years in jail. Despite the upheaval of the court case and her sadness at losing her mother to prison, Zephany finished high school and passed matric.
She now works for a Western Cape government department and still lives with Peter*, the man who raised her, in a Cape Town suburb.
She spends time with her biological mom occasionally, Zephany says.
“I see Celeste now and then and she’s been involved in my daughter’s life. It’s always a pleasure to have her around under the circumstances. She’s given me advice regarding my daughter and how I’ll be managing two babies.”
But she acknowledges she doesn’t share as much with Celeste as she does with Maria.
“I guess I’m still keeping that special place for my mom when she returns home. I love that woman with my entire heart. People might think, ‘ You’re so stupid’ or ‘ You’re so selfish’. But the questions they don’t ask are, ‘Why does Zephany still love that woman so much? Why did she decide to still support her so much? What caused her to love her so much even though she did what she did?’
“I’m not saying she’s perfect or that anyone is, but the love she’s given me . . . I’ve never experienced it with another mother or seen that kind of love from another mother to a daughter.”
She says she loves and cares deeply about her biological siblings, Cassidy (17), Joshua (12) and Micah (10).
“They adore their niece and are excited about meeting their nephew. It’s not a perfect relationship, but I try to always be there when they need me. They know I’m a phone call away. My house is always open and Peter always welcomes them.
“It’s a struggle to build a stable relationship with so many siblings as [growing up] it was just me and my eldest brother and he’s 10 years older than me.”
The brother is actually Maria’s sister’s son, whom Maria raised as her own.
“The relationship I have with him is mature and there’s understanding,” Zephany says. “I’ve never had to be there or care for any younger sibling because
‘I’m still keeping that special place for my mom when she returns’
‘Celeste has been involved in my daughter’s life’
I had none. But I do appreciate that [my siblings] understand that aspect of me and know in their hearts I’m there when they need me.”
LITTLE Emma often goes along to prison when Zephany visits Maria.
“Emma’s a friendly child and loves speaking to people,” Zephany says. Maria delights in these visits and can’t wait to meet her new grandson.
“My mom always says she’s fine and doing well. She looks after herself well and we make sure she doesn’t lack anything.”
She says Peter misses Maria and writes her a letter every week. Visiting Maria in prison is always a painful reminder of how hard it is to raise her child without the older woman’s help.
“The most challenging aspect of becoming a young mom – especially with your first, and your mom who raised you isn’t around you anymore – is being the best that you can be to that baby or babies,” Zephany says. “The most important thing is time. I’ve learnt time can’t be wasted when you’re a mom because someone valuable needs it.”
Motherhood is a huge responsibility, she says. “The thing that surprised me most is that someone so tiny and vulnerable is fully dependent on you. A baby is like an empty vessel – it has no knowledge, no sense of the world. The child’s future depends on what you fill them with about life and all its choices.” S *Names changed to protect Zephany’s true identity.