SHOULD I CUT MY LOSSES AND MOVE ON?

I’m 33 with three kids. Three months ago I met a 38-year-old guy with two kids. We’ve both been divorced for five years – both our spouses left us for other people. We started dating a week after we’d met and two months later started talking about marriage. Things were going fast but well. Our kids got along and we were both happy.

Then he became distant and we broke up. It was for only a week and we talked every day. He said he wasn’t ready for a commitment like marriage and didn’t know if he’d ever be ready. He was also worried about the financial responsibility of a wife and five kids, dealing with exes and so on.

We’re seeing each other again and he likes things the way they are now, with no pressure and no expectations. But I want a committed relationship – the only thing that messed things up the first time was the pressure to get married. I’m not sure if I should just carry on the way we are and see where it goes or cut my losses and move on. Ruby J, email Speaking about marriage two months after meeting would spook many a person – more so if a previous marriage ended in such a traumatic way. Why are you so eager to get married? It’s clear he cares about you, otherwise he’d have been long gone.

Give the relationship time to develop naturally and wait for him to give you some indication that he’s thinking about marriage before bringing it up again. His reasons for not wanting to get married right now are sound. Suddenly having a family of five kids to see through to adulthood is a serious financial and emotional commitment.

Just relax and enjoy the relationship. Rushing into marriage is a recipe for disaster. After what happened with his ex he probably has trust issues. Trust isn’t built in a few months but rather over years. Give him time to trust you and to see you have his best interests at heart.