Gabrielle Union on her struggle to be a mom
Actress Gabrielle Union recently revealed she’d suffered nine miscarriages. Now she’s finally put a name to what caused her fertility problems – adenomyosis
SHE’S been brutally honest about her struggles – the miscarriages, the countless rounds of in-vitro fertilisation, the devastating disappointments and the ongoing search for answers.
After years of pain and suffering she finally knows why she can’t have a baby of her own – and while it’s a bitter pill to swallow, she’s relieved she can at last put the matter to rest.
Actress Gabrielle Union has revealed she has adenomyosis, a condition that all but robs women of the ability to conceive.
“There’s nothing you can do about adenomyosis,” the Breaking In star said. Speaking at a BlogHer conference in New York, the 45-year-old detailed her stressful search for a diagnosis.
“Towards the end of my fertility journey I finally got some answers. Everyone said, ‘You’re a career woman, you’ve prioritised your career, you waited too long and you’re just too old to have a kid – that’s on you for wanting a career.’ The reality is I actually have adenomyosis.
“The gag is I had it in my early twenties. Instead of diagnosing me, doctors were like, ‘Oh, you have periods that last nine or 10 days and you’re bleeding through overnight pads . . . perhaps there’s something more there.’
“Instead of trying to get to the bottom of it, every doctor I saw was like, ‘let me put you on birth control’,” she said.
But it was a temporary solution. “The pill can mask all kinds of things. It’s amazing at preventing pregnancy; not so great with addressing adenomyosis.”
She’s had “eight or nine” miscarriages, Gabrielle writes in her book, We’re Going to Need More Wine, which was published last year.
Since then, she’s been speaking up about infertility and the microscope women are put under while the world waits to see them with a baby bump.
Dealing with her infertility in the public eye hasn’t been easy, she says. “For so many women, and not just women in the spotlight, people feel very entitled to know. They ask, ‘Do you want kids?’
“A lot of people, especially those who have fertility issues, just say ‘no’ because that’s a lot easier than being honest about whatever is actually going on. People mean so well but have no idea the harm or frustration it can cause.”
That’s why she decided to be open about her struggle. “There’s a lot of people suffering in silence and isolation,” she says. “Reading about my life and me being brutally honest, they hopefully feel seen and heard and understood. I’ve had a tremendous response. People talk in clichés – they don’t tell the truth. Hearing my truth has been helpful.”
DESPITE the fact Gabrielle hasn’t been able to give birth, she lives in a home filled with kids. She and her husband, basketball star Dwyane Wade, share their home with four boys: Zaire (16), Zion (11) and Xavier (5), Dwyane’s sons from two previous relationships, and Dwyane’s nephew, Dahveon Morris (17), whom they’re raising as their own.
Dwyane (36) has said Gabrielle is the perfect stepmom and he and the boys are lucky to have her.
“She’s a star in her most important role. I want to acknowledge my wife and the kids’ stepmom for being everything that each boy and I have needed her to be. We couldn’t have wished for more. Thank you for loving us,” he posted on his Instagram next to a picture of Gabrielle with his youngest son.
Before meeting the Miami Heat player she didn’t really want to have kids, Gabrielle writes in her book.
“Then I became a stepmom and there was no place I’d rather be than with them.”
Being a stepparent is incredibly difficult, she shared last year after releasing her book.
“You never quite know your space. No one ever thanks the stepmom! No matter what you do, no one ever is like, ‘And I just want to say a shoutout to –’, or ‘And I’m gonna buy my stepmama a mansion when I make it big’.”
But it has it’s great moments too. “It’s also awesome knowing that – even without any outside validation – you’re a consistent, compassionate, loving adult who puts the kids’ joy and their peace of mind and their innocence first.”
Her stepkids are “dope”, Gabrielle told Us Magazine. “I have a lot of proud moments where I’m, like, in tears. They’re smart, they’re kind and just all-around amazing kids, and I tell them that.”
The star, who recently played a mom who’d do anything to protect her children in the movie Breaking In, says there are still people who say she’s not “a real mom”.
But she insists she is – and not just to the boys who share her home. “I’d move mountains for children I’ve never met before – that’s just the kind of person I am,” she said.
“So I think I speak for people who’ve birthed their children, adopted their children, had kids in every different kind of way you can have kids, family members who are taking care of other family members, older moms, younger moms. I’m here for you all.”
GABRIELLE wanted to give Dwyane one more child, she said in 2015. But it wasn’t to be. In July this year she went on the on the TV show Dr Oz to detail her struggle with IVF. “For three years, my body has been a prisoner of trying to get pregnant,” she said. “I’ve either been about to go into an IVF cycle, in the middle of an IVF cycle or coming out of an IVF cycle.”
Her condition is something she can’t change, she said, so for now she’s focused on being the best stepmom possible.
“For all of us who have non-traditional families, for all of us who care for children we didn’t birth, the nurturing and the care and the love will propel you to heights you didn’t think were possible.”
Gabrielle is working to normalise fertility struggles so women can speak about their issues without fear of judgment.
She has a message for those in the same boat as her: “Just know, if you’re out there having fertility issues – you’re not alone.”
‘A lot of people are suffering in silence’