LAUGH A LITTLE

Fancy yourself a joker? Email original jokes to chuckles@you.co.za or send them to Chuckles, YOU, PO Box 7167, Roggebaai 8012, and we may publish them on this page. TOUGH CHOICE

“My wife told me she’d leave me if I didn’t stop spending so much time at football matches.” “What a shame!” “Yes. I’ll miss her.”

JUST KIDDING

On the first day of kindergarten the teacher says, “If anyone badly needs to go to the bathroom, hold up your hand.”

A little voice from the back of the room asks, “How will that help?”

LEFT, RIGHT AND WRONG

A three-year-old boy is putting his shoes on by himself for the first time. His mother notices he’s put his left shoe on the right foot and vice versa.

“My darling,” she says, “your shoes are on the wrong feet.”

The boy looks at his feet then up at his mother.

“You can’t fool me, Mom,” he says. “I know they’re my feet.”

COPPING A MOVE

A guy calls the local police.

“I want to report a crime,” he says. “I saw my neighbour hiding drugs in his pile of firewood.”

The cop on duty thanks him for the call. The next day a bunch of drug enforcement agents descend on the neighbour’s house and search the shed where the firewood is kept.

Using axes, they split open every piece of wood. However they can’t find any drugs and eventually leave.

As soon as they’re gone the informant calls his neighbour. “So, I see the cops have been there,” he says. “Did they chop your firewood?” “Yep.” “Great, now it’s your turn to call. I need my garden ploughed.”

TOO MUCH TO HANDLE

“How’s your new job at that factory going?” a guy asks his friend. “I’m not going back there,” his friend replies. Why not?” “For many reasons,” the guy says. “The sloppiness, the shoddy workmanship, the awful language . . . they just couldn’t put up with it.”

PACEMAKERS

After finishing his rounds a bus driver has to explain to his supervisor why he’s 10 minutes late.

“I was stuck behind a big truck,” he says.

“But yesterday you were 10 minutes early,” his boss reminds him.

“Yes, but yesterday I was stuck behind a Porsche.”

HOUR POWER

“I hear there’s going to be a strike,” one worker says to another. “What for?” his friend asks. “Shorter hours.” “Good for them. I’ve always thought 60 minutes is way too long for an hour.”

POINT TO PONDER

If love is blind and marriage is an institution, is marriage an institution for the blind?

HOW HIGH?

A primary school rugby coach is addressing his team.

“I’ve got a special treat for any of you who can jump higher than the goalposts,” he says. “Would anyone like to try?” Little Johnny puts up his hand. “But Johnny,” the coach says, “you’re the shortest and the worst player in the whole team.”

“I know,” little Johnny says, “but goalposts can’t jump.”