Ask Dr Louise

I’m really unhappy at the moment. My husband cheated on me with his secretary and divorced me to marry her. That was two years ago.

Now he’s come back to me and says he made a mistake and wants to divorce her and be with me.

I still love him desperately but feel cheated and betrayed. I don’t think I can take him back because my trust in him has been broken. How will I be able to trust him again?

I don’t ever again want to go through the heartache I felt when he left me. Marlene, email Affairs sometimes happen when marriages go through a rocky patch as this is often when people are vulnerable to outside temptations. It’s not an excuse for his behaviour, but the fact of the matter is that people make mistakes.

The affair is often seen through rosetinted glasses because the people involved see each other at their best and when they’re putting their best foot forward.

But when you’re with someone day to day it’s a whole different ball game – it’s much more complex and difficult. It’s only when you’re living with someone day in and day out that you get to know them well. It seems your exhusband has, to his detriment, learnt this important lesson.

If you love him and believe he’s being honest when he tells you he still loves you, why not be brave and take a chance? It will be less heartache than living the rest of your life without this man you love.

Yes, you will be taking a risk, but often when people have had this kind of experience they understand that an affair just isn’t worth it.

‘Real tolerance means respecting other people even when they baffle you and you have no idea why they think what they think’ – AMERICAN WRITER G WILLOW WILSON