MY GIRLFRIEND REALLY HURT ME

My girlfriend and I started dating in our first year at university and we’re now both third-year students. At the start of our relationship I told her I want to make the most of my studies and would like to pass my degree with distinction and possibly study further. I thought we both realised this would mean more study time and less time to be with each other.

Recently I found out my girlfriend has been cheating on me with my best friend for most of this year. When I asked her why, she simply said I was putting my studies before her and she wasn’t prepared to simply wait around for me to spend time with her as she feels she should be my first priority. I don’t understand this – because surely I’ll have to provide for her one day and that implies I have to excel in what I do?

I’m devastated as I felt I was working for both of us and now it all seems so meaningless. Also, I spent all my free time with her so it’s not as if I didn’t give her any attention. Patrick, email Some people are focused on having their needs met immediately and find it difficult to place their needs second to other things. Your girlfriend seems to be this kind of person, so she finds it difficult to “wait around” while you’re studying as she doesn’t see further than what she wants at the moment.

When you’re at university your primary focus should be your studies as that’s what you (or your parents) are paying for. You need to manage your life so you give enough attention to your studies but also set aside time for fun. It seems you’ve done this and have a clear idea of your priorities.

Your girlfriend clearly has different priorities, and in spite of the fact that you’ve made time for her she’s cheated on you with your best friend. Perhaps she doesn’t want to be in the relationship anymore and is using this as an excuse. Whatever the reason, you value different things, and that’s never good for a relationship.