LAUGH A LITTLE
Fancy yourself a joker? Email original jokes to chuckles@ you.co.za or send them to Chuckles, YOU, PO Box 7167, Roggebaai 8012, and we may publish them on this page.
IT’S WAR OUT THERE
What do you call an intelligent, attractive, sensitive man? A rumour. Wife: Why are you home so early? Husband: Because my boss told me to go to hell.
ONE-LINERS S
Confucius says: If you don’t succeed, redefine success.
A woman’s work that’s never done is the stuff she gets her husband to do.
LESSER EVIL
A bank manager calls one of his clients.
“Sir,” he says, “we’ve detected an unusual pattern of spending on your credit card and I’m calling to see if everything is all right.”
“Well,” the guy replies, “my card was stolen more than a month ago.” “Why didn’t you report your card as stolen?” “Well, whoever stole it is spending a lot less than my wife.” SHAUN MILLER
HELP WANTED
These are real adverts that have appeared in newspapers:
Wanted. Hair-cutter. Excellent growth potential.
Wanted. Man to take care of cow that doesn’t smoke or drink.
Three-year-old teacher needed for preschool. Experience preferred.
Our experienced mom will take care of your child. Fenced yard, meals and smacks included.
Our bikinis are exciting. They are simply the tops.
Illiterate? Write today for free help.
WHO’S FOOLING WHO?
A woman is in bed with her lover, who’s her husband’s best friend. The phone rings and she answers in a cheery voice. “Oh, hi. I’m so glad you called,” she coos. “Really? That’s wonderful. I’m so happy for you. That sounds terrific. Great! Thanks. Okay. Bye.”
After she hangs up her lover, who’s been listening to her side of the conversation with interest, asks, “Who was that?”
“Oh, that was my husband telling me all about the wonderful time he’s having on his fishing trip with you.”
PONDERINGS
Before they invented drawing boards, what did they go back to?
If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?
IN MEMORIAM
One Sunday the minister notices little Alex staring at the large plaque that hangs in the foyer of the church. It’s covered with names and small flags are mounted on either side.
The seven-year-old has been staring at the plaque for some time, so the minister walks up and stands beside him. “What’s this?” Alex asks. “Well, son, it’s a memorial to all the young men and women who died in the service.”
The pair stand side by side for a while, sombrely staring at the large plaque.
Little Alex’s voice trembles and is barely audible when he finally asks, “Which service – the 9.45 or the 11.15?”
MOTHER LOAD
A woman gets on a bus with seven children.
“Are these all yours, lady? Or is it a picnic?” the driver asks.
“They’re all mine,” she replies. “And it’s no picnic!”