Ask Dr Louise

My husband and I have been married for 32 years and like all couples we’ve had our ups and downs. Last year was the worst though. He came home late every night and was spending lots of time with a lady friend.

When I confronted him about it 18 months ago he said there was nothing going on but he’s been very cold towards me since. He’s also upset because I confided in my family.

We’re not intimate with each other as he feels I’ve hurt him badly. I’m really confused. I asked for his forgiveness for speaking to my family about his behaviour but he says he’s not ready to be intimate. Do I continue in this loveless relationship? Anonymous, email Your husband obviously feels you’ve belittled him in front of your family and it’s embarrassing to him. But there does seem to be more to his emotional and physical coldness than meets the eye. One can’t be angry indefinitely about someone’s mistake.

Perhaps he’s still involved with the other woman and being “angry” with you is a way of shifting the blame and distracting attention from her.

Tell him you want the two of you to see a marriage counsellor so you can resolve the problem because life is short and you can’t live like this indefinitely. His reaction might tell you more about what’s going on. If he’s willing to consult with a therapist, he’s probably really struggling to get over his anger towards you. If not, there might be more going on than he’s admitting to.

‘There’s something incredibly honest about trees in winter, how they’re experts at letting things go’

– AMERICAN POET JEFFREY McDANIEL