HE CHOSE RUGBY OVER ME

Q My boyfriend and I broke up because I insisted he do something with me rather than watch the Rugby World Cup final. He’s mad about rugby and loves watching it with his friends – to the extent that I feel I am second to rugby as the love of his life!

I wanted to see if he’d choose me. He told me he was watching the rugby and if I cared about him I wouldn’t give him such an ultimatum. The result was we broke up.

I love him and am sorry about forcing him to choose, but he’s not willing to reconsider. What do I do? Cathy, email

A This is not just about rugby – it’s about you trying to control your boyfriend and obviously he’s had enough of it. Being in a relationship with someone means respecting and accepting what your partner views as important.

It would’ve been different if you were in a life-and-death situation and wanted him to help you and he refused because he was watching rugby. But it was really about you wanting to prove you could deprive him of something important to show him you’re in control.

Love and respect should be given freely and if you love someone it should be a pleasure to afford them the chance to enjoy things that give them pleasure. Your boyfriend made a good point when he said if you cared for him you wouldn’t give him that ultimatum.

Part of watching the rugby final and seeing the Boks win was the pride it made one feel to be South African and be part of a country united in spite of its challenges. You need to understand the final was so much more than just a rugby game to many South Africans.