Education: emotional intelligence
Learning to identify and understand emotions plays an important role in a happy life
THE term emotional intelligence – also called emotional quotient or EQ – might sound complicated but it’s something anyone can develop. It has nothing to do with how you smart you are – referred to as your intelligence quotient or IQ – or how many facts you know. In short, EQ is a person’s ability to recognise and manage their emotions. Let’s dive in.
WHAT ARE EMOTIONS?
An emotion is an inner realisation or feeling of for example joy, anger, fear or sadness. It can either occur spontaneously (without a clear reason) or an emotion can be caused by a certain situation. Our emotions often influence our actions or reactions.
Another way to describe emotion is a mental state brought about by the brain’s reaction to emotional stimuli.
Humans start experiencing emotions practically at birth. Babies and young children feel and show their emotions but often don’t yet have the ability to describe what they’re feeling and why. As you get older, you learn how to express and manage your emotions.
HISTORY OF THE TERM
Emotional intelligence/quotient (EQ) is a fairly new term. It was created in 1990 by American psychologists John D Mayer and Peter Salovey. They defined EQ as: The ability to monitor your own and others’ feelings and emotions. The ability to discriminate among emotions. The ability to use this information to guide your thinking and action. Emotions are feelings that enrich our lives and our awareness of the world.
WHAT’S EQ?
An easy way to remember EQ is to divide it into two parts: emotion and knowledge (intelligence). So in short: EQ is having knowledge about your emotions. EQ is the ability to identify, understand and then manage or monitor the various emotions you experience.
Knowledge of your own and others’ emotions allows you to guide your thoughts and be in control of your actions. The more knowledge you have about your emotions and the better you can manage them, the higher your EQ.
But it also goes further than just knowing which emotions you have. EQ includes how you communicate your emotions to others. We can’t always just be happy. Of course there are times we feel sad or angry – but EQ lets us communicate these emotions to others in a clear and respectful way. That’s why it’s important to learn to identify your emotions and to know where they’re coming from.
Psychologists who work in the area of EQ say it’s also the ability to have empathy with other peoples’ emotions. It enables you to understand what another person is going through and connect with them on an emotional level.
To summarise: EQ can be described as the ability to identify, control or monitor your emotions and express these emotions in a socially acceptable way.
THE NATURE OF EMOTIONS
Our emotions have three basic characteristics: Emotions come and go: During the course of a day, we all experience various emotions. Some last a few seconds while others last longer and affect your mood either negatively or positively. Positive emotions include excitement, happiness and enjoyment. These emotions usually don’t last very long. Emotions can vary in intensity: The intensity
(how strong or weak) of the emotion depends on the person and the situation. It might be tough to imagine, but it’s healthy to also experience negative emotions. Sadness, frustration, regret and disappointment aren’t enjoyable but they’re normal. These “negative” emotions can help us improve undesirable situations. Unhealthy emotional conditions such as depression, anxiety, rage, jealousy and guilt can be disproportionately intense and lasting. These emotions, if they’re too intense and last too long, can have a negative impact on your behaviour, your ability to deal with life’s challenges and even your physical health.
There’s not really such a thing as good or bad emotions. But there are healthy and unhealthy ways of reacting to your emotions and expressing them. For example, if you feel hurt by someone, try to explain it to them in a calm manner instead of just yelling at them or insulting them.
Managing your emotions means learning to show and communicate your feelings in an acceptable, respectful and effective way.
EQ CHARACTERISTICS
Research has shown that high emotional intelligence in children and young people can help improve their relationallowed ships, performance at school and general attitude to life. The following are characteristics of someone with high emotional intelligence.
Little to no conflict with classmates, parents and teachers, and tends to be popular among their friends.
Fewer behavioural problems at school and at home. Doesn’t easily give in to peer pressure. Can make their own decisions. Is more likely to learn from mistakes rather than feeling sorry for themselves.
DEVELOP YOUR EQ
We’re all capable of growing and developing our emotional intelligence – it’s something you can work on daily. Parents and grown-ups play an important part so ask the adults in your life to help you with it.
As a start, ask yourself two questions. What emotion am I experiencing? When do I experience this particular emotion?
But that’s only the start. Here are some more practical tips:
Make emotional intelligence part of your daily life. Chat to a teacher, parent or guardian about your feelings and why you experience them. It’s important to realise you’re to experience various emotions but that they shouldn’t control your behaviour.
Don’t suppress or ignore emotions. Become aware of what you’re feeling and ask yourself why you feel that way and if there’s anything you can do about it. It’s important to put your emotions into perspective because it could be someone else’s emotions having an impact on you and if you realise that, you can adapt your behaviour.