HOW DO I STOP MYSELF TURNING INTO MY ABUSIVE FATHER?

I had a very bad childhood. My father was a drunk and physically abused me, often by hitting me with his fist or beating me mercilessly. This occurred from early childhood.

I was often blamed for things I hadn’t done. My father often fabricated some or other thing I’d done just to have the opportunity to punish me.

My mother was afraid of him and never said a word about the physical abuse.

I am now married and have a child. The problem is I often find myself meting out punishment that does not fit the crime.

It’s almost as if a part of my father is inside me. It’s only after I’ve already done it, once I become “saner” and more sensible, that I realise my behavior was unacceptable.

I don’t want my child to become afraid of me like I was afraid of my father.

I want to be a good father and for my son to be proud of me. What is happening? How do I deal with this? Worried, email

Research indicates that a fairly high percentage (about a third) of adults who were abused as children grow up to become abusers themselves. At first glance this may not seem logical – if you’ve been hurt by or had to endure physical, emotional or sexual abuse, why would you inflict that pain on your own child?

However, the cycle of abuse is very real and it happens because children who are abused often internalise the behaviour of the perpetrator. What this means is that they see abusive behaviour as normal and then continue the pattern in adulthood.

This type of behaviour can be changed, but it takes a great deal of work and effort and you will need professional help in order to do it. Hypnotherapy can be helpful in accessing the part of yourself that internalised the abusive behaviour as normal and help change it.