SHE DOESN’T REALISE SHE IS BEING USED

Q

I have become friends with a woman at work and we are quite close. She has a daughter aged 10 and was in a relationship with a guy who is a drug addict and doesn’t have a job.

According to her their relationship is over, but he’s still living with her and he does not contribute anything to the household. I have been assisting her financially to help her survive. I am struggling financially myself but I’ve developed feelings for her and do it to help her.

When I ask her why she doesn’t tell him to go she says she feels sorry for him and that one day he’ll be ready to go.

What can I do or say to make her understand she is just being used?

Confused, email

AShe feels sorry for this guy who’s a drug addict but allows you to help her out financially every month regardless of the fact you’re also struggling. Some people allow themselves to be abused and then abuse others in turn.

You have to put your foot down and tell her you’re only able to assist her financially for another month or two. Say she needs to tell her former boyfriend to leave. Allowing herself to be abused and not doing anything about it is not the kind of behaviour she should be modelling for her daughter.

Yes, times are tough and everyone is trying to survive the best they can – but this also applies to you. You need to look after yourself and not allow yourself to be used either, or to get caught up in a situation where you are expected to rescue people regardless of what they themselves do about their situation.

‘HOW WONDERFUL IT IS THAT NOBODY NEED WAIT A SINGLE MOMENT BEFORE STARTING TO IMPROVE THE WORLD’

– ANNE FRANK