AM I CHEATING ON MY HUSBAND?

QI’m 45 and have been married for 18 years. My husband and I have three children aged between 8 and 16 and we are a happy family. Our marriage has been through the usual ups and downs but we are generally happy and hardly ever argue about anything.

However a year ago, I met a man through a mutual friend and we have many similar interests, get on extremely well and have become quite close.

We don’t see each other often but communicate on WhatsApp almost every day. I feel we can talk about anything and I find myself telling him things I have never told anyone. He is married too and has two kids.

We both feel an attraction and have been open with each other about it, but have no intention of taking it further as we do not want to risk destroying our marriages. I feel conflicted though – am I already cheating on my husband? Conflicted, email

AThere is more than one person in life whom one can feel attracted to, or feel a connection with. This implies that you can fall in love with more than one person, because people differ and have different qualities and characteristics that draw you to them.

You both feel an attraction, but you say you don’t want to risk your marriages. If that is the case, then you are playing with fire by being in contact with each other daily and talking about intimate things you’ve never discussed with anybody else.

Your relationship with this man might not be cheating in the strict sense of the word, but it borders on being unfaithful to your husband because you’re focusing more on him than on your husband and sharing more of yourself with him than with your husband.

Ask yourself how you would feel if your husband had a female friend he spoke to every day and shared intimate details with. It would probably not be acceptable to you.

Rather than reaching the stage where you can’t turn around, tell your friend that you appreciate him and that in another life the two of you may have been soulmates, but for the sake of your marriages you need to stop your daily chats and focus on your partners.