SAY YES TO SEX!

Are you experiencing low libido? Find out how to reignite the spark

ARE you more excited to curl up with a book in bed than snuggle up to your partner? If so, you’re not alone. Low libido is pretty common in the middle years. Where once our sex-lives were lusty, for many the word lacklustre might be more applicable.

A low sex drive is the most common sexual problem experienced by women in particular, says Dr Rosie King, an Australian sex therapist and author of Where Did My Libido Go?

“For many women in long-term relationships, feeling horny is little more than a distant memory,” King says in her book. “Sex has become just another chore to be attended to in daily life – and in terms of priority, it’s way down the list.”

There are many causes, and they include both physical ones, such as fatigue, poor health and medications, and psychological reasons, including stress, anxiety, depression and guilt. Other passion killers include relationship problems such as insecurity, jealousy, infidelity, and a lack of communication, intimacy, romance or affection.

Resentment about being under pressure to have sex is also a libido dampener and if you’ve been sexually abused or assaulted in the past, this can also contribute.

It’s important we – and our partners – understand that it’s almost inevitable for long-term couples to experience what’s called “desire discrepancy”, which is a difference in their levels of desire, King says.

It’s also important to be realistic. “The high levels of lust you may have felt at the beginning of your relationship are, for many women, a temporary phenomenon caused by changes that occur in brain chemicals when you’re infatuated,” King says. These chemicals decline after six to 18 months, decreasing the intensity of our libido.

Still, there are steps you can take now to get your sex-life back on track, whatever your situation.

‘IT’S ALMOST INEVITABLE FOR LONG-TERM COUPLES TO EXPERIENCE A DIFFERENCE IN THEIR LEVELS OF DESIRE’