MY WIFE IS NOT THE WOMAN I THOUGHT SHE WAS

I met my wife two years ago and fell head over heels in love with her. We’d only been dating for six months when I asked her to marry me and a year later we tied the knot.

I have recently learnt that I do not know the woman I am married to. Instead of the chaste and conservative woman I thought she was, she is in fact a promiscuous woman who was a prostitute for several years.

Instead of the empathetic and helping person I thought I’d married, she is in fact a schemer and thinks only of her own needs. Instead of the woman who dotes on children that I thought she was, she is someone who gave up her child for adoption and when she got pregnant again she had an abortion.

When I found out about her secret life by chance, she told me she was too scared to tell me as I would not have married her. In this she is right and I find myself unable to forgive her deception. What should I do as I am a Christian and supposed to forgive her everything?

Brink, email

It is often not the facts and small details that are so difficult to forgive, but rather the general betrayal of your trust. You trusted her to tell you the truth. She didn’t only lie about a small matter but presented another persona to you to love and cherish and respect while she got to know the type of person you are and the values that you hold dear.

Before you make a final decision about whether you want to end the marriage or try to make it work, consult a clinical psychologist so you can discuss the matter in full with him or her. Talking to a professional will help you to understand yourself better and to figure out if you can really live with the type of person you now know she is. It’s not just a matter of forgiving but also of deciding if you want to share your life and your home with someone like her, now that you know her true nature.