IT’S AS IF I’M LIVING WITH TWO PEOPLE

Due to your financial worries, you’re probably suffering from a measure of depression. You need to consult your medical practitioner who can prescribe a mood stabiliser for you.

You also need to have a serious talk with your wife. Tell her the truth about the finances and that you desperately need her help now to bring in some additional income. Tell her that you need to relook at your budget to see where the household expenses can be cut. This won’t only benefit you and her but also your children because they must be aware of the sombre atmosphere in the house.

It’s not true that it’s the task of a husband to provide for his wife, regardless of the economic circumstances. A wife should do what’s necessary to offer support to her husband so both can work as a team.

It’s not just about gaining employment but securing your future and to be able to provide your children with tertiary education.

If your wife is still not able to understand your point of view ask her parents or a good friend to speak to her about the matter.

My husband is 58 and he used to be in the defence force years ago. He had to fight on the border and experienced many traumatic incidents during which some of his comrades and friends were killed. He also had a near-death experience during this time.

When he returned from the border he resigned but was never debriefed. The result is that he still gets nightmares and there are days that he’s in a very bad mood.

He’s also aggressive at times, and that’s really not who he is. It’s as if I’m living with two people under the same roof.

What should I do?

Leonor, email

Your husband is most probably suffering from post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD).

A few of the symptoms of this disorder are:

1. Flashbacks – sudden memories or visual flashbacks to traumatic event

2. Depression or aggressive outbursts

3. Nightmares

4. Lack of life enjoyment

5. Lack of energy

A clinical psychologist can help your husband to work through the traumatic events. The psychologist can give him coping mechanisms for when the symptoms strike. If necessary, he or she can refer your husband to a psychiatrist for medication to help him cope.

PTSD does not resolve itself. Your husband needs professional help.