IT’S THE LAST THING I EXPECTED
She lost her son in an accident – now she’s reliving the trauma after her husband’s death
SHE felt a sense of déjà vu when her phone rang, followed by a wave of numbness when the voice on the other end said they had bad news. Suddenly Belinda Walker was back in 2017, in that moment when she got a call informing her that her younger son, Codi, had passed away after being involved in a car accident.
Was it her older boy, Ashley, this time? Her husband, Patrick? Her son was safe – but Patrick, who’d been by her side for 27 years and suffered a parent’s worst nightmare alongside her, was gone.
The last time she saw Patrick was earlier that morning when he went cycling. As usual, he’d put on the T-shirt that had Codi’s name emblazoned on it – a regular reminder of the beloved boy they mourned together. “Good luck with the race,” she told him. “Enjoy the ride.”
Little did she know those would be the last words she’d ever say to him.
Patrick (58) was taking part in the Virgin Active 947 Ride Joburg road race on 19 November when he had a heart attack. He was given medical attention by on-site emergency services, but efforts to revive him were unsuccessful and he died on the scene.
The harsh reality hasn’t yet sunk in for Belinda (53). Her face is pale and exhaustion is evident in her eyes.
“Everything still feels so unreal,” she says, wiping away tears. “It was the last thing I expected.”
Patrick was a seasoned cyclist and had completed the Ride Joburg race 11 times. Codi’s name was on his shirt near his race number and Patrick also had tattoos commemorating his 17-year-old brother on his leg.
“I know even in those last moments, while Patrick was on his bike, he was thinking about Codi,” Belinda says. “This brings me so much comfort. I know he and Codi are happy where they are.”
HER husband had always been sporty, Belinda says, and tried his hand at everything from running to football and cycling. “Patrick and I have known each other practically our whole lives. He was my great love,” she says.
The pair met in high school and tied the knot in 1996. When they started their family, Patrick passed his love for sports on to their two sons.
“I’m sure Patrick’s name is still in his school’s record books – he was an excellent athlete. Later he also developed a great love for football, especially when the boys started playing.”
She smiles as she recalls how passionate Patrick was on the field. When Codi
‘EVERY DEATH HURTS. IT’S SOMETHING I STRUGGLE WITH EVERY DAY’
started playing soccer, he began coaching the team.
“Soccer was a big part of our lives. We were on the field almost every weekend. And because we were part of such a large group that came to support, people starting calling us the tribe,” she says.
But Patrick’s days on the coaching team were cut short when Codi died in a car accident six years ago after he was hit by a drunk driver.
“Codi’s accident was a terrible shock to us all. He was so young and still had his whole life ahead of him.
“Patrick especially took it very badly. It broke him, and I could see the toll it took on him,” she says.
Although he still went to the football field every week to support Ashley (34), Patrick stopped coaching and took up cycling instead. Patrick worked in the printing industry and used whatever spare time he had to hone his cycling skills – but even though he’d become an experienced cyclist, Belinda still worried about him.
“Patrick was on the road a lot and my biggest fear was that something would happen to him in a place where no one could help him or notify us,” she says.
It’s almost impossible for her to reconcile the fact her husband is never going to walk through the front door of their home in Suideroord in the south of Joburg again.
“My beloved Patrick . . . He was so full of energy and he said things like he thought them, whether you liked it or not.
“He was so loved here at home and in the south of the city because he was always ready to help others.”
BELINDA faces a bleak holiday season. While most people look forward to spending time with loved ones, there will be little festive cheer in her home. “In a period of about seven years, I’ve lost five family members – my mom, my dad, my brother, Codi and now Patrick.
“Every death hurts. It’s still something I struggle with every day.”
She battles to accept that she has to face Christmas without Patrick and it breaks her when she thinks about all the plans they’d made.
“We were going to fix Codi’s cross, which is at the scene where the accident happened. Patrick’s birthday is next week and our wedding anniversary is soon after.
“The festive season is on its way and the annual family break in April that we started in memory of Codi, who died in that month, isn’t going to be the same without Patrick,” she says.
Belinda, a receptionist at a family business, has faced many challenges over the years and is grateful for the support of family and friends who have rallied around her.
“Patrick left us too soon. He really lived life to the fullest. He was healthy and fit. I’m going to miss all the little things – how he always showed in his actions how much he loves us and of course his great love for a cup of coffee.
“At everyone’s house there was a cup for him because everyone knew that no matter how hot it was or how late it was, he could never say no to coffee.
“There are so many beautiful memories which are carrying me through and for that I’m so grateful. Patrick was an incredible person.”
His bike and photographs of him are something she holds onto tightly.
“I’d like to tell him how much I appreciate everything that he did for us, how he loved our sons unconditionally,” she says.
Belinda wants to keep the memories of her husband and son alive and one day find some measure of happiness again.
“It feels like a roller-coaster, there are so many emotions. But with my family’s support I’m still standing.
“It hurts and I can’t stop the tears, but I’ll take it one day at a time.”