I THINK SHE’S ABUSING HER SON

I’m 70 and I’m worried about my grandson. Since my daughter’s marriage ended she’s been mentally unstable and she’s been treating me badly for the past five years. She’s catty and resentful and asks for money. She’s highly qualified but can’t hold down a job.

My daughter had an affair with a married man and had the most beautiful child, a boy whom I helped look after since he was four months old. He is now four years old. After giving up my life for four years, she kicked me out because she was jealous of my bond with the child.

She now has a boyfriend and I suspect she verbally abuses her son. I also suspect she smacks him. She’s bipolar, and her moods are terrible, especially after wine (although she is on medication). I also don’t like the boyfriend, who has admitted to smacking my grandson.

I live far away now but my visits always end in tears for me. What do I do? Report her to social services? Just carry on and hope for the best? He was happy and confident when I looked after him, but she is breaking him down.

Joanna, email

It sounds quite likely that your daughter is verbally abusing her little boy in the same way that she abused you, an adult, and the child is even more helpless against her. Shouting and screaming at a child is abusive behaviour and evokes fear and anger in a child.

You can’t simply walk away while your grandchild is suffering at the hands of his mother and her boyfriend. It would be prudent to report it to a child protection organisation such as the Child Welfare Society or the Department of Social Development and let them investigate.

A social worker would be able to determine if he’s being abused and if so to recommend the steps that should be taken. It may be suggested that it’s best for your grandson to be placed in your care instead of a children’s home if your circumstances allow this.