I’M AFRAID SHE MIGHT HURT HERSELF
Q The mother of my two children died in 2021 due to Covid. Now my 14-year-old daughter is really worrying me. She is moody, short-tempered and cheeky. She is also uncooperative and unwilling to assist with household chores.
I am a prison warder and was recently transferred to a new town, which meant she had to change schools, make new friends and adapt to an unfamiliar environment. I recently found out that she writes her feeling on pieces of paper. Things like, “I miss my mom” and “She was my hero”.
I should also mention that in November 2022 I was involved in a terrible car accident and ended up in a coma. The accident left me a paraplegic, but I am still employed.
My daughter has refused counselling and I don’t want to force her to go as I believe she should do it voluntarily. What can I do? I feel like a failure as a father and I’m afraid she might hurt herself or commit suicide.
Ben, email
A Your daughter has had a few traumatic experiences to deal with – her mother’s death, relocating to another town, leaving her friends, and then your accident, which left you disabled. During all this she entered her teenage years, which is something that’s difficult to navigate as it is with the moodiness due to hormonal changes and trying to figure out her own identity.
It’s not surprising that she’s pining for the time when her mother was still alive, and when things were not so upside down. This doesn’t mean you have failed as a father. Life has dealt both you and your daughter some difficult blows.
Your daughter needs to see a psychologist. This is important even if you have to force her to go. Often people don’t really want to start therapy but once they are in it, if they are comfortable with the psychologist, they find it beneficial. She may also benefit from medication to to stabilise her moods and ease her depression.
You also need to make time to connect with your daughter rather than just scolding her for being cheeky and lazy. Make sure you spend quality time with her.