SO YOU’VE DECIDED TO END IT . . .

DO . . .

Pick your method of communication Having an honest conversation is the ideal way to end a friendship, but you may find it too painful or difficult to sit down face-to-face.

Every relationship is different, so be honest with yourself about how you want to approach this friend, whether by phone, video call, email or a handwritten letter.

Choose your words Describe what the situation is for you, using “I” statements – “I’m feeling this” – rather than “you” statements such as “You’re too possessive/too controlling/too whiny”. It’s not about the other person at this point – it’s about you, because you’re the one who’s feeling the unease.

Stay sober You might feel as if you could both use a drink while having this conversation, but alcohol can make you overplay your emotions and say things you may later regret.

Remember that you can’t control how the other person will react Focus on the part of the interaction you can control and try to get your message across as clearly as you can.

Be prepared to grieve Even if you’re the one severing the ties, you’re still dealing with a loss. Be kind to yourself.

DON’T. . .

‘Ghost’ them It may seem like an easy way out, but a US study found ghosting, or disappearing from someone’s life with no explanation, leads to the most anger, hurt and feelings of rejection than any method of ending a relationship. (The toxic friend is the one exception.)

Blame your friend or yourself Keep the focus on the dynamic between the two of you. So instead of saying to your friend, “You’re always so negative and that’s become a huge problem for me”, say something like, “I’m not getting what I need out of this friendship and I’m sure you’re not either.”

Think you can ‘fix’ your friend In some cases it may be appropriate to explain why you’re ending the friendship, but if your problem pertains to aspects of your friend’s personality or behaviour, it’s not really your job to try to set her straight or teach her a lesson.

It may simply be enough to say, ‘I don’t think we’re good for each other and I’m sorry but I can’t be in your life anymore.’