HOW CAN I GET MY HUSBAND TO ACCEPT MY CHILD’S IDENTITY?

My eldest daughter has recently come out as gay and this is leading to a lot of tension in our family. My husband is very conservative and is unable to accept what my daughter has told him.

I love my daughter and am willing to accept her decision, but I don’t want this tension in the home. The atmosphere has become strained, with dinner table conversations turning into awkward silences.

My younger children can sense the tension and are feeling confused and anxious. What can I do?

Anonymous, email

Sexual identity is a private matter, and it is your daughter’s human right to make her own decisions regarding this if she is old enough to do so. If she is still a teenager, she may be going through the homosexual phase of Freud’s development. This is something your daughter should be able to sort out with the assistance of a clinical psychologist.

The emphasis isn’t that the psychologist should change her mind but should help her to make a firm decision, whatever it is, and then, with her permission, discuss the outcome with you as her parents.

If she is adamant she is gay, your husband will have to accept it or lose his daughter. If he continues to reject her decision and not acknowledge her identity, she might simply write him off or develop depression if he keeps on pressuring her to change her mind.

Your daughter’s happiness is paramount and what makes her happy and fulfils her life is something you and your husband should try to understand.

So, the choice is that if she is old enough to make an informed decision you either accept her choice or your relationship with her will go down the drain.

If your husband wants her in his life, he’ll have to accept her decision. If he is unable to do so he should consult a clinical psychologist to help him come to terms with the situation and rather focus on the positive rather than the negatives that are in his mind.