HIS SPORT OBSESSION

My husband has always been crazy about sport and was a very accomplished rugby player at school and at club level. He puts a lot of pressure on our 15-year-old son to follow in his footsteps, but my son isn’t interested, preferring to do drama and focus on his schoolwork instead. The more my husband pressurises him, the more anxious he gets.

He isn’t interested in going to sport matches with his dad, who feels hurt and rejected. They both love each other but this issue is driving a wedge between them.

My husband tells me how disappointed he is in the boy, who, in turn, tells me that he can’t take his father being so hard on him and can’t wait to leave home one day. What can I do? Anonymous, email

Your husband wants to replay his own life through his son, and that isn’t possible. Why be disappointed in his son – many of the great figures in history weren’t into sport. For example, Einstein, changed the world, giving it precious concepts that would be important for the future such as space travel.

Participating in a group sport is important for any child as it teaches them team coherence and camaraderie. He doesn’t have to excel but should participate for the social benefit of it. This doesn’t mean he must play rugby. There are loads of other team sports he could try, such as cricket and soccer. This is more for the sake of his health than anything else.

At the same time, if your husband stops pressuring your son, he may even be willing to accompany his father to rugby matches for the sake of enjoying the afternoon together. Similarly, your husband should accompany your son to drama performances.

The emphasis is on your husband helping his son to develop his own interests. Your son’s happiness and enjoyment of his parental home is much more important than compelling him to be interested in something that doesn’t interest him at all.

If your husband continues being obsessed with creating a mini-me in his son, he will have to consult with a psychologist to help him get rid of this obsession or risk losing the bond between him and his son.

You’re suffering from an anxiety disorder known as agoraphobia, which means you’ve developed a fear of being among people. It’s such a pity because you have