A fresh approach to potty training

psychological component can help you cope SEE THE CUT KEEP OUT AND REWARD CHART ON PAGE 130! a fresh approach to You may feel there are more setbacks than there are successes, but knowing that your toddler’s march to toilet mastery has a

Why it’s more brain than body

Around the age of two, toddlers are ready to take the next step on the road of independence by stepping out of nappies and into undies. At this stage they are able to make themselves understood, they’re uncomfortable wearing wet or soiled nappies and they are physically ready to learn voluntary control of their bladder and bowel. For the many that go to preschool, toilet time is a set routine with little people’s toilets, teachers and peers to show them how. This helps to make potty training a relatively easy transition for them. But some littlies (and their parents) really struggle and potty training can easily become a nightmare for everybody.

WHAT LIES BENEATH

There’s a lot more that a child needs to be able to potty train successfully than a simple desire to get rid of the nappies. “I ask parents three questions,” says Dr Melodie de Jager, founder of Babygym Institute. “The child’s gestational age at birth, the type of birth and if their child has followed their developmental milestones. Brain development, birth and parental expectations can help or hinder a toddler’s perceptions of self, communication skills and ‘letting go’ – three important elements of potty training.”

WHAT TO LOOK OUT FOR

Melodie explains that babies are born with primitive survival reflexes. As a baby grows, these reflexes fall away and she gains control of her body and world. Babies who are born prematurely, however, are still developing at birth. Their prematurity needs to be taken into account long after their birth. This affects the date at which they attain certain milestones. Similarly, she says, a delay in a full term baby’s development, and specifically those milestones that are related to cortical brain maturity (where language and comprehension develop), can also delay, prolong or complicate potty training. “Irrespective of when you start with potty training, most children stay permanently dry and clean, day and night, around three and a half,” explains Melodie. Potty training problems can begin when a toddler is not physically and emotionally ready to “let go”. Telltale signs of this readiness are when your toddler: Stays dry for longer. Has predictable bowel movements. Shows signs of discomfort when she is wet or soiled.

Shows an interest in the toilet and asks questions about it. Can sit still for at least three minutes. Can pull her pants up and down

Can verbalise her needs, for example says “wee-wee” when her bladder is full or hides away when she poos.

WHEN IT’S NOT YET TIME

There are also flags that show you that your tot is not quite ready to take this big step, so it is worthwhile waiting for: A child with delayed milestones. Little ones who cannot yet sit, stand or walk independently.

Tots with frequent ear infections – fluid in the middle ear can affect balance, hearing and sometimes speech development so be sure to get this checked out.

The toddler who is unaware of bodily sensations and so experiences no discomfort in wet or soiled nappies.

A child who is overly aware of sensations and becomes exceedingly upset when wet or soiled. Aclumsy toddler with poor coordination. A toddler who wakes up throughout the night, every night.

A child who still uses a dummy. “When

a toddler sucks at the top end of his body, he can’t let go on the other,” says Melodie.

In fact, any of the above symptoms should be checked out for underlying causes, so take your tot to the paed, who may refer you to an occupational or speech therapist for remedial therapy. Remember, the earlier you set things back on track the better it will be in the long term for your child, so don’t ignore potential problems in the hope that they’ll go away.

MORE HARM THAN HELP

Not all children are the same, so try not to compare your tot’s potty training progress, or lack thereof, to that of others – even his siblings. Try to be patient and give your little one time to learn the ropes of using the bathroom. Once you see your toddler learning his way around it you’ll feel a lot better – even if it takes longer than you think it should. Also, try not to hamper his potty training development with the following: Missing telltale signs of readiness. Potty training too early by not taking your prematurely born toddler’s gestational age into account.

Showing disgust at what’s in his nappy (or potty). This can make a child feel guilty, ashamed or embarrassed about normal body excretions and his body even into adulthood.

Becoming angry (and especially punishing) if your toddler has any accidents – they’re completely normal.

Confusing your child by putting a nappy on when it’s inconvenient to continue the toilet training, like to go shopping.

Not following through with your toddler’s preschool potty training routine over weekends.

Your feelings also have an effect on how your little one attacks this whole process. Overanxious, perfectionist or competitive emotion can override a toddler’s innate willingness to please his parents. Little children can quickly become anxious or afraid when they don’t quite understand why you’re feeling that way towards them. There’s also no shame in getting professional help when you think something is going on that’s impeding the process. YB