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Question

My husband just doesn’t seem to be coping with his new role as dad. How can I get him more involved with our newborn?

CLINICAL PSYCHOLOGIST CHEVONNE POWELL ANSWERS:

Remember that the relationship between mother and infant starts sooner than it does for a father. Although dad has been a passenger along the way, as a mother you have carried the baby inside of you, given birth to him, and possibly breastfed him. It is a biological reality that you feel more bonded and are his primary caregiver. At times, dads can feel left out of this tight bond, especially in the first six months. Dad may also feel that he is out of his depth, worry about doing something wrong or he may even feel that he cannot offer the baby what you as a mother can. Here’s how you can help get your husband more involved: 1 GIVE HIM A SPECIAL ROLE This may be taking over bath time, nappy duty, or winding baby after feeds. In this way he feels useful and he gets to spend one-onone time with the baby.

GIVE THEM SOME TIME ALONE Once your husband feels more capable in his parenting duties, let him spend time with the baby on his own. This means no hovering or checking in, even if he is putting the nappy on the wrong way. Give him the space to figure it out so that he can begin to trust his instincts.

ENCOURAGE SKIN TO SKIN BONDING Research has shown that skin to skin touch is a vital element of attachment and bonding. Encourage dad to spend time shirtless while he’s holding the baby. During this time remind him to talk to the baby – your little one needs to hear dad’s voice too, even if it’s a relay of the latest soccer highlights.

LASTLY, GIVE HIM SOME TIME Some fathers just need time to settle into their very new role as a dad. Allow for this

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