SINGLE MOMS
UP YOUR DATING GAME
DIS YOUR CHILD READY?
of putting pressure on yourself to find a new partner. As JeanMarie says, “The first couple of months are rough going and even finding time to shower can be a challenge!”
Timing is crucial no matter what age your child is. “While you should allow yourself enough time to get over your ex, you should also be cautious about waiting too long to start dating again, because you could become overly comfortable being single and this can make it difficult to be open to someone new,” she adds.
Not too soon, not too long… So when is the best time to jump back into the dating pool? Everyone will differ but JeanMarie suggests a good way to tell whether you’re ready or not is if you can “communicate well with your ex about your child and no longer harbour resentments”. Even more challenging is finding out if your child is ready for Mommy to have a new special friend. It’s vital to ensure your child has dealt with your split from the dad, says Sinette van Rooy Booysen, a clinical psychologist practicing from Glenwood in Durban, who specialises in emotional and behavioural problems in children. “The child’s behaviour should have settled after the split and the child should have ‘divorced’ mom and dad in their heads, now seeing both mom and dad as two individuals in their mind’s eye,” she explains. “The child’s new place in the separated home should have been established and they should be able to talk about the split with ease.”
Talking to your child is vital to this process. While home, but you may be setting yourself and your child up for unnecessary heartbreak if you begin to date too soon or for the wrong reasons,” she warns.
If your child is still a baby, it may be better to focus your energy on those first demanding months instead to date again and whether you’re doing it for the right reasons is the first and most crucial step, according to JeanMarie Olwage, a Pretoriabased psychological counsellor specialising in divorce and single parenting. “A single mom may be desperate for her child to grow up in a ‘complete’ ating can be tricky at any time but it’s an entirely new and far more complicated game when you’re entering the dating pool for the first time as a single mom.
Being honest with yourself about whether you’re ready