HOW TO RECOGNISE A

Nobody likes to think that their new partner may be a sexual predator, but single moms do need to be extra cautious without being overly paranoid. Cheryl Morilly, senior manager of Childline Western Cape, offers some insight into a typical sexual predator:

“Sexual predators often appear to be friendly and kind but have low self esteem and lack the ability to form close and intimate relationships. To meet this need, they choose children over whom they can have control and manipulate to achieve a perceived caring relationship. These sexual predators groom children in order to gain the child’s trust by feigning to understand the child, showing great interest in the child, being present at the child’s events, giving them gifts, etc.

“Parents often teach their children to be respectful toward other adults. But parents should, however, also encourage their children to speak out against an adult who makes them feel uncomfortable and threatened. Children should be given permission to make a scene in order to protect themselves if they feel that it is necessary. When children display any form of changed behaviour it is an indicator that something is troubling the child.

“Should a mother suspect the worst, she should speak to her child, emphasising that she will believe and support the child whatever she may share, and that it is never the child’s fault when something like this happens. Children often believe it is their fault because they accepted the attention and gifts.

“Because sexual abuse, including grooming, is a crime, the matter must be reported to the Family, Child Protection and Sexual Offences (FCS) Unit of SAPS, who will send an officer to the home to take a statement if requested.”

WARNING SIGNS

“Never ignore warning signs or dismiss your child if she works up the courage to speak to you about abuse,” stresses Jean-marie Olwage, a psychological counsellor specialising in divorce and single parenting. “In this situation it is normal to experience shock, denial and

anger, but ensure it does not prevent you from responding quickly and sensitively.”

SOME WARNING SIGNS OF SEXUAL ABUSE INCLUDE

• Regressing to younger behaviours such as bedwetting • Sudden unexplained behaviour

such as moods swings, being withdrawn or overly clingy • Acting out in inappropriate sexual ways with toys or objects • Nightmares and/or sleeping difficulties • Anger outbursts • Changes in eating patterns • Unusually secretive • New adult words for body parts and no obvious source of where they learnt the words • Self-harm such as cutting or burning themselves • Physical signs such as unexplained bruising or soreness around genitals • Not

wanting to be alone with a particular person (the abuser) • Visible fear of that person

ALSO BEWARE IF YOUR PARTNER

• Insists on physical affection such as kissing, hugging or wrestling when a child clearly does not want it • Insists on time alone with your child with no interruptions • Frequently walks in

on your child in the bathroom • Refuses to allow your child sufficient privacy