ALWAYS LOOK FOR THE BALANCE

Clinical psychologist Lungile Ngubane advises parents to do research to ensure any new classes are age-appropriate. “At around three years old, kids are still very egocentric. Everything is ‘me, me, me’ and so you need to be asking how are these classes assisting in the cognitive development of my child. What does this form of play aim to educate? Is it age-appropriate?”

Thula Baby Clinic owner and midwife Heather Wood encourages moms to find a class where the moms are noncompetitive. “A lot of these classes are too competitive and they often clash with sleep times, so the stress of the activity negates the gains. Some kids thrive (and therefore their mothers stay sane) on lots of activities. But other children prefer free play, and learn more at home in a relaxed, calm environment. Our lives are too full of too many excellent things, and we’re all so terrified of missing out or getting left behind. The result is too much pressure, anxiety and stress. Less is more, in my opinion.”

Family counsellor and author of Simplicity Parenting Kim John Payne warns that many behavioural issues in children are due partly to “living life too fast”. He says many parents view childhood as a process of external enrichment, rather than an inner unfolding. “If it is an enrichment opportunity, then we’re in an arms race, trying to get the most for our child. This is fundamentally a con, and not healthy.”

Kim says it’s a good idea to learn what overstimulates your kids. “The purpose of being aware, or recognising what is arousing and calming to your child, is to avoid the overstimulation that can string them out, or derail them in the same way that a big dose of sugar and caffeine derails them in the short term.” If they have had a hectic day, follow up with a calmer, more laidback day, he says.

With both parents working, opportunities for parent-toddler play are few and far between, so parents feel justified, and less guilty, in delegating some of this specialised and intimate responsibility to a professional. Education guide Greatschools points out that some toddlers thrive on full schedules, others thrive on imaginary play. “Though many children have the stamina for activities outside of preschool, you’ll want to allow for learning through downtime at home or spontaneous play in the neighbourhood. Consider how many extracurricular activities per week you should schedule that will satisfy natural interests and support learning without exhausting or overwhelming your child.” YB