Babies of the heart

Adoption is a privilege. That is how Thato and Marchelle Hermanus feel about it. “It’s a mother and father saying: I trust you will provide for my son better than I can,” they tell Karen Read

father a child. I just didn’t have it.”

That doesn’t mean there was no longing to be a dad. On the contrary. If anyone oozes fatherhood, it is this man. “My fondest childhood memories are those involving my brothers – and ‘sisters’ and cousins, who are my siblings as well according to African culture. I want Maru to have that. I think it’s the richest experience to have a sibling,” says Thato.

For Marchelle, who has two siblings, family and extended family is also central. “Our plan was always to have two children: one biological and one adopted, in that order.” But that’s not how things worked out, and after two failed attempts at IVF, the birth order of their children has merely switched. Marchelle and Thato’s adoption process took a mere seven months – they used Abba agency – yet it was a painstaking wait for the desperately eager parents.

“We heard that a single parent who was adopting had already got her child. And we thought, ‘This is not going to happen’,” says Marchelle, amused in hindsight. Not long after that came “the call”.

“They contacted us at 6am on a Thursday morning to ask if we could be at their offices at 9am the following day. The meeting was to tell us we had been ‘matched’ with a baby,” says Marchelle.

The matching meeting is an emotional event. It is the first “meeting” with a child, although not a physical one. Your social worker presents a baby who is adoptable and more or less in line with your preferences. You hear the child’s story and if you are willing to proceed, you get to see photographs of the baby.

Thato says he was sold even before he heard Maru’s birthday is the day after his.

The couple “took delivery” of threemonth-old Maru three days later – after a shopping spree of note!

“We called him Giggles at first. Even in his profile, he was described as a happy baby,” says Marchelle. Maru’s first three months were spent at Atlantic Hope, a home for babies in Sea Point. Marchelle says they were told by the carers at the home that “this child knows only love”. Maru is now a year and a half, and the same can be said of him today.

Maru also looks very much like Marchelle. “Because we’re a mixed-race couple, Maru looks like he’s our biological child,” says Thato. “I lack reminders that he is adopted. It’s as if he has always been ours. People don’t ask if he’s adopted.”

I ask the couple to define racial identity in their family and Marchelle replies: “Thato’s family is so mixed already. I’m Coloured, my one sister-in-law is Indian and the other is Zambian.”

Thato joins in: “I have a cousin whose father is Coloured. And another cousin is married to a Zulu man, so it’s diverse. Maru is just a new member of the family. It has never been like an outsider has come into the family.”

“We also have a very supportive family,” says Marchelle. “When we told Thato’s dad that we were considering adoption, he said, ‘Good! I was going to ask you guys: why don’t you adopt?’”

“Adoption is love. It’s family,” says Marchelle. YB

HIS NAME IS MARU – or “Maru a pula” – which in Sotho means rainclouds. “It’s symbolic of hope. In African culture, water is a precious resource and the name captures what hasn’t arrived yet, but can be seen on the horizon,” explain Thato and Marchelle Hermanus.

Maru’s name captures this couple’s hearts not only for their son, but for all adoptable children. Long before Thato and Marchelle discovered they had fertility problems, they had decided to adopt.

“Seven billion,” says Thato, referring to the population of the world. “There are so many children who need a home. There was no biological imperative for me to