Intimacy after birth

You were supposed to be delighted when the gynae gave the green light for sex weeks after baby’s birth. But instead, you wish you could remain celibate, writes Terésa Coetzee

IT’S NOT UNUSUAL for you to be less excited by the gynae’s green light to have sex weeks after the birth of your baby. If it were up to you, you would not have sex until your baby turns 21 – because you just don’t feel up to it.

Rest assured you’re not the only girl whose sex drive disappeared along with her bump. There’s a whole bunch of reasons for this, but fortunately also plenty of solutions.

THE FIRST SIX WEEKS

Although your doctor will tell you this, it’s almost not even necessary to be reminded that you’re not supposed to have sex for the first six weeks after baby’s birth. You’re probably so busy with the new bundle of joy that sex will be the last thing on your mind.

It also makes no difference whether you’ve had a C- section or a natural birth. During a natural birth, your lady bits get stretched so much that your body needs a full six weeks to return to normal. And with a C- section you have a wound to think about. Even if it looks like it’s completely healed from the outside, you still have to be careful with the wound on the inside – hence the realistic ban during the first six weeks.

But even after the first six weeks following your baby’s birth, sex can be unpleasant, for the following reasons:

VAGINAL DRYNESS

The postpartum hormones coursing through your veins, especially those hormones that help with breastfeeding, cause serious vaginal dryness. And no matter how ready you feel, you’ll probably battle with normal sex. You suddenly have lots of prolactin in your body and little oestrogen.

Research has also shown that women who breastfeed have a lower libido and less desire for sex compared to women who bottle feed, because their hormonal composition differs so much.

What’s more, lactating moms are definitely more tired because they have to feed regularly at night and because breastfeeding is physically draining.

TEAR OR EPISIOTOMY

According to the book Life After Birth by Kate Figes, two out of three women who birth naturally tear or have to have an episiotomy. A total of 15 percent of these women still have a painful perineum three years after they gave birth. A total of 10 to 15 percent of women who had a C- section struggle to recuperate after the op.

The result is that most women find penetrative sex extremely painful during the first weeks and months after birth.

After an episiotomy or a vaginal tear, the tissue surrounding the wound swells, and it can be very painful if the suture is too tight.

If sex still hurts six months after the birth and it’s not getting better, you should go and see your doctor.

If the wound is still very red, or if there’s a strange- smelling discharge, there could be an infection that needs medical attention.

A tear or episiotomy that has not been properly sutured could leave you with a thick scar.

BIRTHING INSTRUMENTS

The use of forceps or a suction cup can cause considerable internal bruising, and this can be sore and tender for weeks after the birth.

PILES

Almost a third of all women suffer from piles after the birth of a baby.

Piles – also known as haemorrhoids – are swollen veins in the anal canal that could be extremely painful.

It’s caused by weak blood circulation in this area or because of continuous pushing while you were in labour. But piles can also occur after you’ve had a C- section. There are remedies for piles such as ointment and suppositories; speak to your doctor about that. Regular warm baths can also bring some relief.

VAGINAL THRUSH

Many women are given antibiotics after birth to prevent serious infection, so vaginal thrush commonly occurs because antibiotics destroy the good bacteria in the vagina.

And even if you’re not on antibiotics, the birthing process can alter the vagina’s ph balance quite a bit, and this could also cause thrush.

The itchiness and discomfort of thrush can be a passion-killer!

POST-PARTUM DEPRESSION

Even a slight case of post-natal depression could seriously dampen your interest in sex. Antidepressants might lift your mood a little, but they’re also known to cause low libido. And chronic fatigue also kills the mood.

AND IF DAD’S FRIGID?

Many men are just as nervous about sex after watching their better halves give birth. They’re afraid to hurt you, and especially that they might make you pregnant again! A newborn in the house can involuntarily focus the brain on the consequences of (even the most pleasurable and hottest) sex… YB