Seeing light through the darkness
Lynn Nathen’s journey through motherhood is one that would leave many of us reeling. But the positivity and strength that radiates from this Cape Town-based mother of five are deeply inspiring – even a little daunting, writes Camilla Rankin
LYNN NATHEN is a mother of five beautiful children – Chanté (22), Tamzyn (16), Wesley (14), Jamie-Lee (4) and Cody (2).
Growing up, Lynn never gave motherhood or having children of her own a thought.
“I hadn’t ever thought about long-term goals like that,” she says.
“I didn’t think it would happen to me, until it did. And motherhood really caught me by surprise!”
A FIGHTING SPIRIT
Not only was Lynn caught by surprise when she started having kids, parenthood also threw her a few curve balls. Her third child, Wesley, was born with cystic fibrosis (CF) – a chronic disorder affecting mainly his lungs. Breathing is often very difficult, due to a thick, sticky mucus in his lungs.
But Wesley was a typical toddler, “a little energiser bunny”, Lynn recalls.
She lived with her mom and sister during the early days of the diagnosis. “My mom is my prayer goddess,” Lynn says. “I believe fully in the power of prayer, and this has been a true and deep support for me. So has my sister, who has helped me raise my children.”
When Wesley was four, he became very lethargic and tired. Lynn took him to the Red Cross Children’s Hospital to confirm her suspicion that it was just a symptom of the CF, but Wesley was diagnosed with the unimaginable: he had acute lymphoblastic leukaemia, an aggressive blood cancer. What followed was a traumatic year of treatments, constant worry and many hospital stays.
But Wesley is a fighter. “When he saw a little friend of his get wheeled in on a gurney, he leaned into me and said, ‘Mommy, if I don’t fight, that will be me, hey?’” Lynn remembers.
Wesley’s fighting spirit paid off. He has now been cancer-free – and thriving – for 10 years.
OUR MIRACLE CHILD
In 2012, Lynn met Shane Nathen at a motorcycle function. “Yes, I love motorcycles!” she says. Shane was very patient with Lynn, who was not quite ready for a new relationship at the time. The pair eventually got married in 2015.
“Shane is an incredible stepfather to my three older children,” she says. “It’s not easy, but he has been amazing.
I can’t believe I found love the second time around. He worships the ground I walk on.” The couple wanted a child, but their first pregnancy was an ectopic
one, where the baby develops outside of the uterus, usually in a fallopian tube. Lynn had emergency surgery to remove the tube, which saved her life, but the pregnancy was terminated. When she fell pregnant again, she was excited but astounded to hear that not only was she carrying twins, but that the egg released from the ovary that was removed: a miracle!
Sadly, one of the twins was reabsorbed very early in the pregnancy (it’s called vanishing twin syndrome), but in December 2015, Lynn gave birth to a perfect little girl, Jamie-Lee – the absolute apple of her father’s eye.
Lynn and Shane only planned to have one child, so when Lynn started to feel really ill only 11 months after Jamie-Lee was born, she didn’t suspect she might be pregnant again – but she was.
Lynn did two home pregnancy tests as she just didn’t believe it.
“I was still breastfeeding and on contraception. I kept saying: ‘It just can’t be,’” she says. Shane was overjoyed,
Lynn remembers, confessing to her that he was holding thumbs for a boy.
AN AMNIO AT 40 – AND A NEAR-DROWNING
“I had terrible hyperemesis gravidarum – severe morning sickness – with Jamie-Lee, and my fifth pregnancy was no different. I was hospitalised twice. I would wake nauseous, go to sleep nauseous. It was constant.”
At the 13-week anomaly scan, the baby’s spine looked thickened, and despite the risk for miscarriage, the doctor decided to go ahead with an amniocentesis to rule out spina bifida and Down syndrome.
“We had the amnio done when I was 20 weeks pregnant,” she recalls. “It was incredibly painful, but the doctor gave us the all clear, saying the baby looks ‘just fine’.”
The week that the baby was scheduled to be born, there was a tremendous shock for Lynn and the whole family. Jamie-Lee (then 20 months) fell into an icy swimming pool.
“I was getting ready to go out, and when I opened the door, I saw her lying face down in the pool,”
Lynn remembers.
“I screamed and jumped into the pool. She had no pulse, or I could just not feel it: her toes and hands curled into claw shapes. I started CPR, repeating, ‘I just can’t lose her.’
“Our neighbour heard the screaming and came to help – he had done a CPR course, and so he took over from me.
Eventually Jamie-Lee started coughing and vomiting.
“The ambulance rushed her to hospital. She was in a coma for 18 hours, fighting a temperature of over 40°C. The doctor told us she could be a ‘vegetable’, but when she woke up, her first words were, ‘Mommy, I want booby’.”
An intense relief washed over Lynn. Jamie-Lee suffered no brain damage and was released from hospital four days later: two days before the baby arrived. And Shane got his wish.
OUR BLACK-EYED BOY
“Our beautiful Cody was born on 25 August 2017, via planned c-section. It was such a joy to meet this little man with his jet-black eyes right after such a scare with Jamie-Lee,” Lynn says.
Apart from being born with a “balloon” in his umbilical cord, the obstetrician declared Cody
100 percent healthy.
The first six weeks, Lynn says, were a blur of caring for a newborn, with a toddler whom she now never wanted to let out of her sight, and three older children. “But apart from a pussy eye infection, which the nurse told me to keep clean with breast milk, Cody was the sweetest, calmest baby,” she says. “It was only at his six-week check-up that we realised that all was not as it should be. The doctor checked the infection in his eyes and noticed a ‘glare’.”
Cody had cataracts (a clouding of his lenses). The doctor urgently referred the couple to an ophthalmologist who was able to see them that same day. And then yet another unimaginable diagnosis: Cody has aniridia syndrome. He was born without irises – the circle of colour that surrounds the pupil.
Even rarer, Cody has both cataracts and glaucoma (a group of conditions that damage the optic nerve). The ophthalmologist had never seen this combination before. “It felt like we were literally walking into a dark tunnel,” Lynn remembers. “I wondered, ‘Is this what his whole life will be like?’”
Aniridia is an incredibly rare genetic disorder often associated with an overarching genetic condition called Wilms tumour-aniridia syndrome (shortened to WAGR).
Wilms is a rare kidney cancer, and WAGR is also linked to problems with the urinary system and intellectual disabilities.
Although he doesn’t have any urinary issues, Cody has the markers in his blood for Wilms.
“So he needs to be checked every three to four months. But he’s cancerfree at the moment,” Lynn explains.
His development is a bit delayed.
Cody just turned two, but he looks like a one-year-old. He started walking at 23 months. “When he took those first steps, I could not contain my excitement,”
Lynn says.
“He only says a few words but understands English and Afrikaans.
“He still can’t feed himself, but he is getting there. I am not worried at all – he is my last baby, and if he is taking things a bit slower, it just means I get to have him as my baby for that little bit longer.
“His physio put it perfectly:
‘Don’t ever worry about Cody,’ she said. ‘He’s doing exactly what he needs to do. He is in no rush.’”
LIGHT AT THE END OF THE TUNNEL
The energetic dance-and-Elton Johnloving, sunglasses-wearing little man, just creeps into your soul, Lynn says. “We take one step at a time. He has 20 percent vision now. Eventually, he will be able to have an operation to remove the cataracts and get artificial lenses that will give him 50 percent vision, but his glaucoma has to improve first. His most recent eye procedure went incredibly well, so we are starting to see the light at the end of the tunnel.”
OUR CHILDREN ARE GIFTED TO US
Lynn says she doesn’t know how she copes, but she just does.
“I’m not perfect. I try my best. I see people going through a lot worse than us, but it is not easy. I try to smile every day and never give up on my children. I am their soldier.
“I believe our children are gifted to us, so love your children like the gifts that they are, like there is no tomorrow. I have loved watching each of my children grow into their own personalities, fighting for them, fighting with them, laughing with them and at them, experiencing all the deep downs and incredible ups in their lives, and mine. And if asked to, I would do it all again.”
I DON’T KNOW HOW, I JUST DO IT. I AM NOT PERFECT. I TRY MY BEST