Q & A

QI’m 24 years old and 29 weeks pregnant. My partner didn’t exactly jump for joy when I told him the news. Ever since, I haven’t enjoyed my pregnancy. Our families are supportive, but with him it’s different. We’re in a long-distance relationship, and he doesn’t want me to go visit him. We’re forever fighting and breaking up (and making up). I’ve even lost weight and am worried about what’s going to happen when the baby is born. What kind of parents are we going to be? I’m really stressed – but I do love him very much.

A KARIN STEYN SAYS:

It sounds as though you and your partner have some issues in your relationship that can’t wait any longer to be sorted out. You definitely have a difficult relationship due to the fact that you are considering trying to parent while you are not communicating or living together. It sounds to me like he is unavailable emotionally or physically to be able to help you, now, and perhaps also when baby is born, and I would advise you to make plans of your own. If you will be the primary caregiver to this child, you will have to make some key decisions as to how you are going to cope and who is going to help you. The two of you will also have to have a discussion about how involved he will be in this child’s life so that you can adjust your expectations accordingly. I know this is a very hard situation to face, and there are many issues to sort out, but take it one step at a time and make sure you get the information you need to make appropriate decisions. Then ask yourself, what type of parent do you want to be to this child? Unfortunately, loving your man is not enough to allow him to treat you in this way. I would urge you to seek counselling support in making some of the decisions for your life and future, and creating some of the boundaries to protect you and your baby from unnecessary hurt.